Grow In Wisdom

The Harden Heart

2008-04-27T17:51:00.004+08:00

Today is another Sunday. It has been month since I last ponder of God's word. And I have not listen anything from God recently. My heart was occupied by the World such as my job. Instead of reading bible, I am reading comic. Instead of praying, I am watching movie. Instead of pondering and meditate about the Bible, I am worrying about my work.

God used today preacher to talk to me. I read Bible, I know Christianity principle and doctrine. But today preacher challenge to build personal relationship with God. I am not quite there. I do not know why.

There the preacher answer my question. People failed to build relationship with God because people refuse to reveal and deal with own sin. I am definitely a sinner but I do not willing to acknowledge my sin and refuse to receive God's grace. Do not even want to talk about my sin here.

Second, I am running after the World. I am spending all my might, all my strength and all my soul trying to do a better job for better career prospect. I forget all this will fade away eventually.

Tell you what, God used today sermon to call me once more to repent and focus on him instead of the World. I personally felt better now, my worry about my career prospect reduced, bigger part of my mind is occupied by the grace of God now. Literally, I felt better. Praise the Lord.

Isaiah (55:8-11)

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD.

"As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth:

It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

The Heart of Jonah

2008-03-04T22:55:00.003+08:00

It has been another 6 months since my last post. Tomorrow, I will leading praise and worship in my care group of around 15 people, and I am terrifying for 2 months since the roster arranged. My wife is requested by me to replace me to lead praise and worship last time when I was rostered. I did ask for her help this time but she reject my request. I have to do it this time, hopefully this is the first and the last.

I did argue with God that all in the body of Christ (church) function differently to complete the functions of the body of Christ. And apparently I am not functioning as the praise and worship leader. But God tell me that in him I can do all things. Actually, I do not want to do all things, I just wish to do a little bit. Evaluating my church commitment, I am just a church goer and offering giver like everyone else.

Pray that my service will not stumble my brothers and sisters too much. And they will learn from mistake (roster me in the wrong place). Actually, all place is wrong place for me.

(Jonah 1:1-3 The word of the LORD came to Jonah son of Amittai: "Go to the great city of Nineveh and preach against it, because its wickedness has come up before me." But Jonah ran away from the LORD and headed for Tarshish. He went down to Joppa, where he found a ship bound for that port. After paying the fare, he went aboard and sailed for Tarshish to flee from the LORD.)

Perseverance

2007-08-30T21:23:00.000+08:00

It has been 4 months I have not blog. I have married a wonderful wife on 2nd June 2007. I am planning to buy a house. Though my budget is very tight, I would like to buy the house to prepare for a family.

I would like to continue my daily spiritual journal here. I am on half day leave now and I am alone at home so this is the best moment for me to concentrate on Jesus.

People keep forwarding email, I just receive an email from one of my church fellow. This email remind me of being persevere. I knew that Christian need to be persevere but not very sure of the purpose. This email share of (James 1:2-4) Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of any kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. The mathematical formula is:

perseverance = mature + complete + not lacking anything

From my understand, if I persevere on all testing, I will be mature, complete and not lacking anything. Is this worth for me to persevere all the time? I have not choice because of the following mathematical formula

not perseverance = immature + incomplete + lacking everything

The Daily Bread

2007-04-04T00:23:00.000+08:00

(John 6:35-40) Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty. But as I told you, you have seen me and still you do not believe. All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never drive away. For I have come down from heaven not to do my will but to do the will of him who sent me. And this is the will of him who sent me, that I shall lose none of all that he has given me, but raise them up at the last day. For my Father's will is that everyone who looks to the Son and believes in him shall have eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day."

Jesus said something bold again. He is the bread of life, whoever comes to him will never go hungry or thirsty. The way I comes to him is through bible reading, listen to sermon, praying (this is the least often), and fellow shipping with brothers and sisters in Christ. My experience is the often I did all these, the more energetic am I. On the other hand, whenever I focus on something else for a long period of time I felt weary and tired physically and spiritually.

Jesus said he will never drive anyone away whoever come to him. This is so good that at least we can able to draw energy from him. And he too want to raise whoever comes to him at the last day, and give eternal life. Is Jesus saying, whoever comes to him will not be driven away but will be refresh everyday and given eternal life at the end of the day? I think so. How to come to Jesus, then? For me, I join church, believe Jesus as what Jesus himself claim, trying to know more about him, and trying to follow whatever he said. It is seriously different

The foundation of My Little Faith

2007-03-18T23:55:00.000+08:00

All the while, I thought I am the one who allowed God to give me salvation. What a pride man am I? What a wrong concept. And I thought I will have eternal life being a superficial Christian without serving God.

All these thought have been wronged. In fact I do not even deserve any forgiveness not to say salvation. It is not I allowed God to give me salvation, it should be God allowed me to accept his salvation when I was not deserved.

Another thing is after I believe in Jesus, I should live my life following Jesus teaching. Or I am merely superficial Christian talking or acting as a Christian instead of truly living as a Christian. My dear reader, living as a Christian is not easy in fact it is very hard. The standard is so high that give me picture which is unreachable. If Jesus set a rule that whoever reach his standard only eligible for heaven, I am definitely out of the list. That is why Jesus said, "Just try your best I will not evaluate your performance, I will evaluate your motive. Please live to glorify me instead of for your own salvation."

God so Love the World

2007-03-17T01:13:00.000+08:00

Some interesting discussion has been taking place in my Christian group recently. We discuss about predestination which means God choose saved people before hand.

Initially I cannot accept this as God is so bias. But eventually I found I am not in the position to doubt God and questioning him. God is always in control. He love all the people more than I did. I should not doubt at all. I am a little pride thinking I am saved because I choose to be saved. However the fact is Jesus die for my sin at the very first only then I have the option to choose to believe in him. If Jesus did not have the initiative to die for my sin, I have no choice to be saved.

Back to the question, are God bias to certain people? Do not ask or doubt, that is not my concern as God love all people much more than I did. What a busy body am I asking for human kind. ^_^

Escaping Judgment

2007-03-11T18:14:00.000+08:00

My faith on God is fading away, but I still reading Bible. Deep in my heart, I still want to become a Christian. My situation is a bit worrying. I do not like to attend church activity and do not like to pray or read Bible. I complain about life all the time. It seems that it is time for me to forsake God.

Even in this critical condition of mine, God harshly question me, “What is your motivation to be a Christian?” All the while, I thought being a Christian is getting salvation from God. I am wrong from today Bible reading. Christianity is not only about salvation of after death, it is about life changing now on earth too. Expecting to just go to heaven after death is wrong. I have to change my way of living. There are 3 key points here from John The Baptist, sharing what I have, do not cheat, and be content.

Haha, I thought I can just go to heaven for sure. Sad.

(Luke 3:7-9) John said to the crowds coming out to be baptized by him, "You brood of vipers! Who warned you to flee from the coming wrath? Produce fruit in keeping with repentance. And do not begin to say to yourselves, 'We have Abraham as our father.' For I tell you that out of these stones God can raise up children for Abraham. The ax is already at the root of the trees, and every tree that does not produce good fruit will be cut down and thrown into the fire."

Renewed Spirit

2007-03-05T23:33:00.000+08:00

I am pretty down couple of day before this. My church just organize a bible conference titled "Renewed Church". The conference is targeted city working adult as most of us feel exhausted working in such fast pace environment. I went to the first 2 sessions of the conference after work and fall asleep because too tired working. The voice of the preacher is strong and loud but that did not wake me up. During the praise and worship session, I was just grabbing my hand for the sake of don't stumble people around me. My heart is not focus on God at all.

After all, God still able to touch me. The experience is hard to describe. I pick up my girlfriend bible and continue my bible reading plan after pause for almost a month. There is no magic. I still feel down and frustrated. The content of the bible I was reading did no magic too, it is about the birth of Christ.

Belief it or not, I felt a bit better and relief now. There is a small voice (without volume) that telling me, no worry, nothing is too bad. For your information, I just have a 20 minutes cry couple of day before. That is the longest since the death of my grandfather in 1988. Ha ha, I feel relief and comfort after reading bible here and there. ^_^

Can I Stop?

2007-02-27T22:41:00.000+08:00

Life is really boring, discouraging and frustrating. How can I loss my passion on my life? I have no motivation to do anything. Just minute before, I got to know someone is reading my blog, so I log in and try to write something.

Life has been boring for me. Live everyday the same without my own control. I am told to do everything I need to do. Actually, I think I am a creative and spontaneous person but my environment just do not allow me on this. I am running my life based on schedule. My life schedule is so full, hardly can stop and take a break. Can I stop? I really tire of living like this. I am tried of blogging too.

Valentine Day

2007-02-14T23:58:00.000+08:00

Carmen and I went to a shopping mall called Sunway Pyramid near my office to celebrate Valentine Day. Due to limited resources, we wander around for a while for the best deal. We are satisfied in a restaurant called Jack's Place. Carmen has a spaghetti while I have a gilled chicken. We spend RM50 here.

Then we when around looking for wedding band. There are couple of jewellery shop in the shopping mall. One of the shop sell only high end jewellery, one of the shop sell very cheap. Even though Carmen and I are first time jewellery buyer, we can see some minor defeat on the ring. The funny moment is when we want to get off, we have another 10% discount. We doubt, and we get off. Then we settle with one of the shop, we left out contact because the ring we prefer do not suit our finger size. They need to make order for that.

Wish you Happy Valentine Day.

Life Goes On

2007-02-11T01:47:00.000+08:00

I am trying out Microsoft .Net Framework 2.0, Visual Web Developer 2005 Express Edition, and Microsoft SQL Server 2005 Express Edition with my 2.0 mHz, 512 MB RAM, Windows XP Home edition laptop. It is running slow. I have no resources to upgrade my device.

I am getting marriage 2nd June 2007. I want to buy a memorable ring for my wife. I want to take memorable photography for our marriage. I want to have a nice and affordable honeymoon. I want to spend a memorable wedding ceremony for my wife as well as for our friends and relatives. I can only use credit card and pay back later.

I am trying to budget everything but it does seem to work too well. Anyway, life goes on. I learned that zero saving happen to most of the people even after thirty. This surprise me. I guess my life is not the worst though. Anyhow, life goes on. Choices become lesser and lesser when time goes on. I suddenly realize that human being does not actually have freedom. We are allowed to do certain things constrained by our environment. I haven't really make a choice for a long time already. Life just goes on its way like a film and I am the actor.

A Leader and A Follower

2007-01-28T16:00:00.000+08:00

(1 Samuel 14:6-14) Jonathan said to his young armor-bearer, "Come, let's go over to the outpost of those uncircumcised fellows. Perhaps the LORD will act in our behalf. Nothing can hinder the LORD from saving, whether by many or by few."

"Do all that you have in mind," his armor-bearer said. "Go ahead; I am with you heart and soul."

Jonathan said, "Come, then; we will cross over toward the men and let them see us. If they say to us, 'Wait there until we come to you,' we will stay where we are and not go up to them. But if they say, 'Come up to us,' we will climb up, because that will be our sign that the LORD has given them into our hands."

So both of them showed themselves to the Philistine outpost. "Look!" said the Philistines. "The Hebrews are crawling out of the holes they were hiding in." The men of the outpost shouted to Jonathan and his armor-bearer, "Come up to us and we'll teach you a lesson." So Jonathan said to his armor-bearer, "Climb up after me; the LORD has given them into the hand of Israel."

Jonathan climbed up, using his hands and feet, with his armor-bearer right behind him. The Philistines fell before Jonathan, and his armor-bearer followed and killed behind him. In that first attack Jonathan and his armor-bearer killed some twenty men in an area of about half an acre.

My new boss is very open-minded. He will ask his staff opinion before he makes some decision. I am happy with his character on this. He did share, some of his staff have different opinion against his. He did asked my opinion on this.

I think bible teach us to follow our appointed leader whatever he want to do as long as not against God's will. Like Jonathan and his armor bearer, Jonathan asked his armor bearer to fight against 20 people with him. The armor bearer definitely know that is not funny to fight 20 people together with his leader alone. But he choose to follow. And they killed all of them.

I think we must follow our leader instruction even though we don't think that is a good idea at all. I believe leader appointed with some reason not by chance. Am I right?

Flood hit my home

2007-01-26T22:59:00.000+08:00

Last Sunday night, my sister told me flood hit our hometown as I am away working in Kuala Lumpur. I was so nervous and start pray a short prayer to God after a long period of prayerless life.

Then I called my boss and apply 2 days of no pay leave. I rush back next morning. The normal road back to my hometown was block due to flooded. Luckily there is an alternative route going through jungle and small villages. A lot of flooded area along the route. Though I know my father's shop hasn't affected.

My father's shop is more than 40 years old. The wooden shop went through fire and flood. In short, it can collapse anytime. In addition, the land below the shop can slide anytime too.

I arrive home in the next morning and start to move goods from the shop. Thanks God that the sky is clear for 2 days. There are only 3 males moving the goods, my father, my uncle and myself. The work is hard but it is not stressful and in fact we are so happy to gather together as a family and work together - my father, my mother, my uncle, my girlfriend, three of my sister and myself.

My parents are so happy having us come back to help. They feel grateful and release after 17 years in fear working in the old wooden shop. God really turn bad thing into good.

New Job

2007-01-20T16:42:00.000+08:00

It is one month working for a new job. I think this is a right time to review of the new job. In my previous job, I go in to office and start my work as doing programming and deploy to the server. That's it. Without meeting, without talking sometime or most of the time. In this new job, suddenly a lot of new job functions come in:

Schedule meeting
Prepare documentation
Plan project schedule
Review project
Study project requirement
Brainstorming
Conduct training
Doing programming

So many new stuff need to be done rightly suddenly. I need to schedule my weekly or even monthly time to prioritize my task compare to day in and day out of my previous job. I think it is good and hope to success in doing all this too.

Corporate Ladder

2007-01-13T22:52:00.000+08:00

I have a talk with my boss. He present me a corporate ladder. I am required to commit. I think this happen to most of the corporate worker. In Christian philosophy, partly committed equivalent to not committed. I am a bit confused. I seem confused on most of the matter of my life.

My spiritual walk is not strong and I feel dry out. Anyway, I am going to church tomorrow and hope to refresh myself. I am not praying at all to be honest. My mind is full of work related matter. I am reading technical book instead of spiritual book most of the time. However, daily bible reading do remind me of Jesus. I am reading Mark at this moment and Peter is denying Jesus. I hope I will not deny Jesus but I am pulled away from him time by time.

People around seldom talk about Jesus unless they are ordered to do so. The atmosphere is blocking people from talking about Jesus. People interprets as hypocrite when other talk about Jesus. I am not sure but I feel this way. So I talk about my faith here and remind myself as Jesus is my Lord here.

I am out of topic, but I think it is okay since this blog means to be my spiritual journal rather than christian article publishing. God bless you, my fellow reader.

The difference between Christian and non-Christian

2007-01-02T15:56:00.000+08:00

How to differentiate a person as a Christian or non-Christian? You should ask a single question. What you be after you die? Some will answer, "Heaven". Some say, "Don't know." Some say, "Doesn't matter." Some say, "No such thing. Life will cease after death." Some say, "Hell is not bad." Some answered, "This doesn't bother me at all."

I found this is the foundation of the purpose of life. If you do not know what you be after you die, you will neither know what are you actually doing with your life. But anyhow, you life just molded by your environment. If you doesn't bother this at all, you will not bother what you does with your life too. If you think life will cease after death, you will live your life on your own "wonderful" way. If you think hell is not too bad, after all there are lot of friends going together, then that is really too bad.

What if you say, "Jesus is going to bring me to heaven."? Then you will be bombarded with some amount of questions like "Are you sure heaven is good? Are you sure Jesus can bring you to heaven? Are you sure there is a heaven? Are you sure about this idea? What if this is false? What if I want to kill you right now if you continue to declare this idea?"

Haha, since all of us not sure about what will happen after death, why not belief this Jesus, after all we all going to die soon after. For me, the contract is I belief Jesus can bring me to heaven, then he will bring me to heaven. This is valid without any terms and conditions. Though there are extra bonus come after certain terms and conditions. You will be under constant exposure to gain these extra bonus after you sign the basic contract. Which is good I think.

Hope of Christmas

2006-12-26T00:13:00.000+08:00

I have been lazy, demotivated for a long period of time. It seem nothing bring me excitement. I have no passion of doing anything. I am not sure what happen to me. But I am sure something goes wrong. haha.

I am having a new job, new task waiting for me to accomplish. I am getting marriage next year, tons of task pending for me to be done for the marriage. Nothing good for me to do for the kingdom of god at this moment. aha. I must do all this. What is my hobby? What is my interest? Hobby and interest is luxury for me.

This morning, pastor said, if you found yourself with the above mentioned symptom, chances are you feel hopeless of life. haha. There are so many task for me to do and I will found satisfaction of accomplishment of all these. How come I am hopeless? And the pastor said, all these satisfactions or happiness are temporary. All will come to past and you will feel emptiness again. Sound right but that is the concept of life, isn't it?

The pastor continue to speak, "Christmas give us a hope that after this life we will have eternal life together with Jesus Christ." Oh, that sound great. May be I should focus more on eternal life. In fact I receive all these message in a asleep condition. haha.

First Day in New Company

2006-12-18T23:26:00.000+08:00

Today is the first day I report to a new company. My boss is friendly and give me some work to do. I am given the opportunity to estimate my time for a project. I am given a lot of freedom on how I can do my work. I wish I can do it right and fast. My boss' objective is fast and working no matter how you do it. It is the reality of the business world which is contradict to artistic programming. Work worth nothing if it is not selling at the right time with a right price. May Jesus guide me through this.

Farewell

2006-12-17T01:47:00.000+08:00

I have leave my job that last 9 months. I get to know some wonderful friends in these 9 months. They made my life in 2006 colourful and memorable. Some of them just highly skillful in programming. Some of them are good leader. Some of them are good cheer leader. Some of them are sensational. All of them are friendly and helpful. I felt really good to be with them and felt 9 months are too short.

Some of them stay, some of them left, some of them leaving. What a variable world. Seem nothing is lasting.

At the last day of my job, I wrote a farewell letter to all of them to show my appreciation too. I did gain a lot of technical skill and working experience from the job but I value the friendship the most. However, I am really bad at maintaining human relationship.

Final Destination 3

2006-12-04T00:25:00.000+08:00

I seldom have time for entertainment but I watched movie again. The movie named "Final destination 3". The story is simple, a girl have illusion before she is going to ride on a roller coaster that the roller coaster will crash and all the people die. She get off and warned, some people get off after her warning, other went on. The roller coaster crashed and the people die. All the survivors die within a short period of time too. The story depict death as the final destination no matter how your life is.

We know all people surely die one day. No one can escape. Bible says (Genesis 2:16) And the LORD God commanded the man, "You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; 17 but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die." This is because human commit sin or disobey God's command that we will surely die. What a stupid ancestor of ours but we repeat this generation by generation.

But here come the gospel (John 3:16) For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

Demolition Man

2006-11-27T21:57:00.000+08:00

I watched this movie recently. It was starred by x and y. The background is year 2032. The community is straightly controlled. No flirt languages, no seasoning on food, no kiss, no sexual intercourse. Police have no experience to fight against crime because there are no crime for last 20 years. There is no choice on restaurant because it is controlled. People have no choice on food because of health control. Couples enjoy sexual pleasure using visual reality devices to avoid disease.

The movie remind me of my old question against Christianity. (Genesis 2:16-17) And the LORD God commanded the man, "You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die."

I think God have the choice to create a perfect world without sin. He can create man such a way that man is not possible to sin. However, this is equivalent to create machine. God want to create living man with free will. He did give warning that certain action is no good but harmful. All is our choice. We should be grateful to have choice or else can you imagine how boring?

After Resignation

2006-11-19T00:14:00.000+08:00

I felt very weird after resignation. To describe the feeling, I would say like a person knowing that he has cancer and going to die very soon.

I started to interact with the people around me, started to join lunch session, started to tell joke, started to have a short chat and concern other people condition and feeling. Before resignation, I had focus all my strength and time on my work. I regret because I wasted so much time to make wonderful friend around. I started to enjoy the companion of the people around, started to feel like a human being instead of a working machine.

Please appreciate the companion of the people around. You may miss their smiley face for a long period of time or forever.

Evangelic fund raising campaign

2006-11-12T23:26:00.000+08:00

My church are organizing old newspaper collection campaign. I have plenty of old newspaper at home. Before going to church, I needs to bring all old newspaper from my 5th floor apartment to my car. The point is my apartment has no lift. It took my 5 trips to finish all the old newspaper. On the way, I was thinking to ask my neighbor for their old newspaper but I failed to do so because I do not really know all of them. The money gained from the campaign will be used for evangelic ministry at Pakistan.

The next Sunday, children below 10 years old are organizing a game to raise evangelic fund too. They make a big net and filled the net with a lot of plastic balls. People who give a dollar will have a chance to guess the number of ball in the net. The winner will bring back home a standing lamp. What a wonder effort make by them.

Job Resignation

2006-11-04T13:08:00.000+08:00

After working 7 months with my current employer, one day, a friend of mine just appear in my life and invite me for a job interview. The interview went well. The company decided to employ me. I have a new job offer now. Considering the opportunities and the pay, I decided to resign. The resignation went well too. Everything went just well beyond my expectation and preparation. The feeling is like following a path which is well-prepared. All these things happen within a week. I am amazed and a little lost.

After the first interview, I give 15% more on my tithe. The result is I get 15% more on my current salary. I know God is faithful and accurate before I give because I experience this 2 times before.

(Malachi 3:9-11) You are under a curse—the whole nation of you—because you are robbing me. Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it. I will prevent pests from devouring your crops, and the vines in your fields will not cast their fruit," says the LORD Almighty.

Husband and Wife Relationship

2006-10-30T00:58:00.000+08:00

I am about to getting marriage. In fact, it is scheduled on next year July. I have been in courtship for more than 4 years. It is honeymoon year for the first year as usual. Start from second year, argument started. Its severity raises over time. What I see on this is a process of uniting with other totally different person. And it is positive and constructive against a person maturity and characteristic. The process is quite painful as some people feel sad, some people get hurt emotionally, some people get hurt physically, and even committed suicide. I am a blessed one because I am a Christian. I get comforts, supports, principles, and solutions from my belief or my God.

I expect this process will continue until I die. Should I still committed to get marriage and jump into this life long painful process? Yes, I do. Because I want to become a better man and make a little contribution to world population. There are so many good reasons for me to jump into this trap only married people know. Of course I want to love my wife. ^_^

(Genesis 2:20-24) But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman', for she was taken out of man." For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.

Aside, let's imagine how painful to put taken rib back into the body given the rib had been turned into a woman. Or how painful to fit yourself into a human body as a rib. For male, in case you try to put different ribs one after another, your wound will become worse and worse. In case you try to put in more than one ribs at the same time, it is equivalent to commit suicide I think. For female, in case you want to try other human body, you need to kill the first body to try the second. I better stop here. Wish all married people follow the rules, do the right things and enjoy the process.

Former Colleague Wedding Banquet

2006-10-15T21:20:00.000+08:00

I attended a former colleague wedding banquet last week. I meet some of my former colleague in the banquet. The familiarity feeling is so warm. We talk about nonsense, career, family, marriage and meet one another partner. It is so good to see them again. Life is short to meet up with wonderful people. Catching up with them, I found their life is as wonderful as mine. As a Christian, I am not able to propose a better life for them. As God said in bible, (Jeremiah 29:11) “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” May be I am not committed myself enough to live a wonderful church life.

Grandfather Gift

2006-10-10T22:07:00.000+08:00

There is a sales of chair made of rope and bamboo. Old people like this kind of chair very much. Me either. I thought of buy one for my grandfather.

Let me have a little introduction of my grandfather. For reader of previous post, this guy is not husband of my grandmother. He is father of my mother. My grand mother is mother of my father. My grandfather is a person who is extremely introvert. He seldom speak. In fact if you do not speak to him, he will not speak at all. Even though you speak to him, you have to hit his mood or you hit a wall.

Back to the bamboo chair. I budget RM20-RM30 for the chair, then I went off and have a look. I decided to buy a small one which is RM45 but the boss suggest a bigger and more comfortable one after I told him it is for my grandfather. He said it is hard for a old people to get up from a small chair because their legs are not as strong. So I ended up with a RM70 chair.

I brought home and present to my grandfather. At first, he ask me to give it to my grandmother. But at last he receive it. He like the chair very much. And he tell me tomorrow is his birthday. He took the chair happily as his 71st birthday gift. The most important thing is he present his annual smiley.

Grandmother Fall Sick

2006-10-10T18:42:00.000+08:00

My grandmother was not able to eat anything for 4 days. She was brought to hospital and having operation on the night too. She said she was not afraid. Her body became like skeleton after the operation. She was reported to have cancer. I prayed for her during the night she was operated.

After her operation, my aunt taking very good care of her. All diet is controlled. She is having best treatment in my aunt place. She feel good and feel no pain. According to her, some sick of her skin disappear after the operation. I do not know how true is this because my grandmother always tell the good side of the truth. However, she seem very good every time I see her. Her body also recover and look better now compare to the time right after the operation.

Thank God for his healing of my grandmother.

Job Confirmation

2006-09-23T13:21:00.000+08:00

It has been 6 months since I first join the company. My performance is not so good at the beginning the this period. My boss gave me warning at the right time. His warning awaken me and let me know that this is not the right way. This week, I have been confirmed by my employer. My boss has a appraisal session with me. He express his appreciation toward my work attitude and improvement. I felt good and happy though it has no salary increment upon confirmation.

In fact, the most important achievement for myself is my working attitude and responsibility. I have been commented on the issue previously because of my negative and lay back working attitude. As everyone know I am a Christian, I do not want people to think what a Christian as lazy as me. So I work to my best to prevent people thinking bad about Jesus Christ. I have been trying hard on this and hope to continue glorify God in this way. It is really not easy as for me because I used to relax and lay back.

At the end the this writing, do you know what verses I get from the bible?

(Ephesians 2:8-9) For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast.

Working and Living

2006-09-10T17:22:00.000+08:00

I am a programmer. What I do as a programmer is sitting on my desk all day long. My computer is connected to Internet, I can surf Web, chatting, blogging or do whatever I like. But I have better things to do which is my work.

Last Friday, my boss suddenly stand behind me asking me of my work. I do not know how long he standing behind me because I am focusing on my work. In fact I do not surf Web, chatting or blogging in office at all. I think it is not right though I feel like it. So I end up spend a lot on my Internet bill connecting at home.

Back to the topic, if I am doing my personal stuffs in office, the first result is my tasks are not going to be done at the end of the day. It is totally my fault withdrawing salary every end of the month, using office resources for my own pleasure and tasks given is not done.

As my own evaluation, my work is not very good. Though I try my very best and spend the longest hours I can to complete my task, but I am not able to complete all my tasks on time flawlessly. It is very tiring and discouraging in this way.

In Christian point of view, we must keep living a good life and be faithful on every aspect of my life. Because the life we have are given by God and belongs to Him. He will surely come and ask, "How is your life?". It is not a casual greeting anymore. It is a request of a boss of your work progress report. Beware and keep watching all the time. Do you know what bible said about this?

(Matthew 24:42-44) Therefore keep watch, because you do not know on what day your Lord will come. But understand this: If the owner of the house had known at what time of night the thief was coming, he would have kept watch and would not have let his house be broken into. So you also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him.

For me, it is tiring and extremely tension. I think it is worthy to be tiring and extremely tension for at most 100 years and have eternal life. As recorded in Bible, eternal life is better than the life we have now.

(Revelation 21:1-4) Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

The main point here is there will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain; the sub point is there was no longer any sea, which is new idea for me. ^_^

Basketball Session

2006-08-29T23:37:00.000+08:00

I went to play basketball last Sunday with my church brothers. This activity is so special that it made me felt out of my routine life. It was quite a long time since my last exercise. Tell you what, I was only be able to sustain for 10 minutes. Two of my church brothers who are elder than me is still playing full of energy. My muscle still feeling pain until now after 2 days. Come to think of my performance, I have 0 point, 0 steal, 0 block and may be 3 rebounds for the whole activity. I must play better next time.

Performance aside, it is good to interact with human being after long period of regular computing. People is very supportive though I was not doing well. I found one of my weakness is I do not actually mind of win or loss. I think I must improve on this.

One of the brother kindly and sincerely asked me to join the kid game. I tried to take that as a joke but I seriously felt that he was sincere. Too bad. One of my teammate refuse to change team though we loss. I appreciate his faith and trust on me, I should had done better. Am I still writing on performance?

Anyway, I enjoyed the session and hope to built up the fellowship regardless my busy and tiring city life.

(Proverbs 18:24) A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.

I read this, “Instead of wishing you could find a true friend, seek to become one.”

Worrying Mind

2006-08-05T11:54:00.000+08:00

I have been working and worrying too much lately. Draining all my energy into work. I have been working from 8:00am - 9:00pm everyday last 2 weeks. I feel exhausted and need a break.

Thank God that today is the Sabbath day he prepared, I am able to relax myself to check email and blogging here.

Lately, I received negative review from my superior. So I try harder to do my work but it seem like I am burning myself and my work is still no good. One voice telling me to be more responsible in work; another voice ask me to take a break. I am confused. I think I need some time to think about it. Burn out is no fun. Anyway, I think I must be responsible for work and responsible to take care of myself to avoid burn out as well. It is all about balance. Let see what interesting will happen to me. Life is unexpectable. Let me try to forget yesterday, ignore tomorrow and focus on today. May be it will help.

Workmanship

2006-07-24T23:25:00.000+08:00

I am almost fired today. Over the last 4 months, I have no commitment to my company at last. I merely work day by day. Going off regardless pending task to be completed. I am not responsible at all. Yet my boss spend 3 hours to talk to me. I have nothing to say. I am now a bad testimony to my colleagues. The only way out is to give my best, or I am going to have a worse testimony to my colleagues.

Besides giving my best, I have other option. I can start to blame everybody, everything and blame God, then resign, then continue my misery journey of life and walking like a corpse.

But I am not going to repeat my failure, I am living for some purpose. I am assigned to work and want to do a good job. It is not going to be funny if I continue my misery journey. Let me have my passion back to work like dying instead of die in misery. Either way, I am going to die, you know. God is not going to be funny like this, "Well done, you are the most misery creation I ever create."

(Matthew 25:14-30) Again, it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted his property to them. To one he gave five talents of money, to another two talents, and to another one talent, each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey. The man who had received the five talents went at once and put his money to work and gained five more. So also, the one with the two talents gained two more. But the man who had received the one talent went off, dug a hole in the ground and hid his master's money.

After a long time the master of those servants returned and settled accounts with them. The man who had received the five talents brought the other five. 'Master,' he said, 'you entrusted me with five talents. See, I have gained five more.'

His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'

The man with the two talents also came. 'Master,' he said, 'you entrusted me with two talents; see, I have gained two more.'

His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'

Then the man who had received the one talent came. 'Master,' he said, 'I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed. So I was afraid and went out and hid your talent in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you.'

His master replied, 'You wicked, lazy servant! So you knew that I harvest where I have not sown and gather where I have not scattered seed? Well then, you should have put my money on deposit with the bankers, so that when I returned I would have received it back with interest.

Take the talent from him and give it to the one who has the ten talents. For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him. And throw that worthless servant outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.'

You know, I have been the third servant all these time. I urge you to be the first servant.

Working Adult Camp

2006-07-23T20:12:00.000+08:00

I just went back from a working adult camp organized by my church at Fraser Hill, Pahang, Malaysia. Before the camp, I was having a tough time in my workplace. My work is not meeting the expectation. I thought I have put my best effort on it, yet it is not meeting the requirement or expectation. Frustration and disappointment start to attack me. I am planning to resign or in other word - give up. It is kind of defeated by the challenge of my work.

As a negative person, I can extend a little frustration and disappointment in life into meaningless life. That is why recently I feel so tired to do anything. I try to find satisfaction from computer game, Internet, etc but I failed. All of these doesn't kindle my passion. I feel like a walking corpse.

In the camp, I was no passion to relate myself to anybody too. The purpose I participate is to take a break of my boring life. During the camp, pastor mentioned a lot of my symptom. He said I need to check my relationship with God. Pastor is correct. It was a long period of time since I last read bible. It was even longer since I last pray. I think this should be the source of my problem. Because when I fill my mind with the Lord Jesus Christ, it make more sense to live. In the bible said:

(Ecclesiastes 1:1-11) The words of the Teacher, son of David, king in Jerusalem:
"Meaningless! Meaningless!" says the Teacher.
"Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless."

What does man gain from all his labor
at which he toils under the sun?

Generations come and generations go,
but the earth remains forever.

The sun rises and the sun sets,
and hurries back to where it rises.

The wind blows to the south
and turns to the north;
round and round it goes,
ever returning on its course.

All streams flow into the sea,
yet the sea is never full.

To the place the streams come from,
there they return again.

All things are wearisome,
more than one can say.

The eye never has enough of seeing,
nor the ear its fill of hearing.

What has been will be again,
what has been done will be done again;
there is nothing new under the sun.

Is there anything of which one can say,
"Look! This is something new"?
It was here already, long ago;
it was here before our time.

There is no remembrance of men of old,
and even those who are yet to come
will not be remembered by those who follow.

(Ecclesiastes 12:13-14) Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter:
Fear God and keep his commandments,
for this is the whole duty of man.

For God will bring every deed into judgment,
including every hidden thing,
whether it is good or evil.

Though everything is meaningless, God is the only exception. He is meaningful because he is going to judge what we did in this meaningless world at the end of the day.

Friend Leave

2006-07-16T00:54:00.000+08:00

Yesterday is the last day of one of my colleague. He is a very nice and humble guy. I am shock to know his resignation news from others 2 days before his last day. For my surprise, he had tendered his resignation 6 weeks ago. He went into the company 1 month after me.

During my last employment, there were couple of close colleagues left one by one. Everytime people leave, I feel sad. This is because I treasure and appreciate very much whoever come into my life to share part of my life. It make my life not so lonely and boring. Friend leave make me feel like losing a friend. Anyway, in this busy city, we are not likely to meet again.

I want to wish him all the best in his life and career. ^_^

Choices

2006-07-03T22:36:00.000+08:00

Today is Sunday. After church service, Carmen and I have nothing to do. We went to KFC to have our lunch. During lunch, we have a wonderful conversation worth sharing here. I asked, “Where do you want to go?” She answered, “I don't know.” I said, “We seem very free while all of our friend struggling to gain more money even during weekend.” She agreed, “Yes, we should put some effort to make our life better by working part-time.” “No.” I said, “We will be swallowed by busyness if we do.” In my heart, I think, “Or we are being swallowed by poverty.” What is your choice? Busyness or poverty.

In the world, we have no much choice. Most of the time, all available options are not what we desire. We merely choose the not so bad option. I don't know, I have giving my best during weekday. I need a break during weekend. This way, I am not going to excel in term of any achievement in the world, and I am not really excelling in the service for God either. I am merely living a passive life as a ordinary man. May be God's purpose for me is becoming a ordinary man “successfully”. May be I have to do something more, or people will quote me “The most ordinary man in the world” after I die. Or “The most ordinary Christian in the world”, this one sound better, ya? Both do not suit me, I should do a little bit more, or I will end up having all these nicknames. How you want people to quote you at the end of the day?

Busy Life

2006-06-25T15:46:00.000+08:00

For this period of time, I have been busy with work. Everyday, I leave home 7:00AM and back home 9:00PM. I hardly read bible or pray. My life is just robotically operating. With my hardwork to my job, I expect appreciation and reward but nothing happen.

On the other hand, I am away from God. My mind is filled with all the earthly stuff such as house and car. Planning and calculating the cost to buy a house and a second car while planning to get marriage soon, all these are dream keep in mind of my financial status.

(Haggai 1:9-11) "You expected much, but see, it turned out to be little. What you brought home, I blew away. Why?" declares the LORD Almighty. "Because of my house, which remains a ruin, while each of you is busy with his own house. Therefore, because of you the heavens have withheld their dew and the earth its crops. I called for a drought on the fields and the mountains, on the grain, the new wine, the oil and whatever the ground produces, on men and cattle, and on the labor of your hands."

Do you belief the heaven will release their dew and the earth its crops if you put the priority to built the house of God first?

Da Vinci Code

2006-05-22T00:57:00.000+08:00

It has been a long period of time since my last writing. My spiritual life is down turn. I hardly read bible. Since I joined my new company at the end of April, I had been busy during working hours and tired after working hours. Last week, I was sick for the whole week though I still go to work. The Lord Jesus Christ is so far away. Life without Him seem nothing different.

The movie "Da Vinci Code" was started to be show in cinema since last couple of days. The main idea delivered by the author is "Jesus is merely a mortal man." If it is true, what for I believe in him, there are plentiful of religion out there founded by man. If he is a mortal man, who is going to overcome death and give eternal life? And I will be terminated or recycled to be something interesting after death.

However, nothing to convince you here from me. I just feel that there is a God. And I believe bible because people willing to die proclaiming it is true. Are you willing to die for the benefit of the church? I guess I will not. But if I see a man killed and resurrect and rise to heaven by my eyes. I think I willing to die proclaiming what I see. Are you willing to die proclaiming "Da Vinci Code" is true?

Tough Day In Work

2006-04-24T21:28:00.000+08:00

I have been working for one month. My job is tough. I have to finish assigned task before I can go back home. Today, I make a mistake and delete some record in database which is a data repository shared by everybody in my office. People start to trigger the loss of data. I confess myself when I know the data was loss. People were having problem the whole day. I am so sorry. But I didn't apologize to anyone because I have no chance to do that. My boss kept scolding me and kept apologize for me to others. Everyone seem troubled by me. In fact I haven't successfully built up any relationship with my colleagues due to my super heavy workload. I consider it super heavy because I found it is hard and difficult personally.

Today is a bad day, anyhow, I am used to scolding by people all day long. I found apologize useless. People just can't forgive. Some more, I am not very good in apologize. I think I am both pride and shy. Am I a fail product? I shouldn't think this way because this offence the creator. Everybody around me is tough? Or I am simply a failure? Or this is life for everyone? Do you see the reasoning behind this? Everybody making everyone life miserable. That is the reality of our world. I am sorry to ignore the second possibility. ^_^

(Leviticus 19:18) Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself.

Pleasure of Serving

2006-04-22T02:00:00.000+08:00

Though I am tight by work, I am serving in the house of the Lord too! I am not giving sermon; I am not chairing Sunday service; I am not leading praise and worship; I am not leading a care group. I am merely a ice breaking game master for one care group session only.

I look for a ice breaking game from the Internet, demonstrate the game process and prepare the material. All these took me around 2 hours. And the game session is around 15 minutes. By the grace of God, the game went as planned. People are responsive and open. They get to know some not so famous bible characters. The game serve the purpose of breaking people defensive mind set. The care group session end up with a lot of discussion and interaction between people.

Shaking Mind

2006-04-16T01:33:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, it is kind of boring life. I would like a break of my life but it is running like a sport car on the high way. I can't stop it. There are too many thing in my life to be done. I feel like dragging and enslaved by my life. On the other hand, I feel guilty sitting doing nothing. It is a dilemma in my mind. I do not know how to describe the feeling.

I like to shake my leg. This become a bad habit for me. My legs will shaken by itself without my conscious. Sometimes, I just kidding of myself this is going to exercising my legs to circulate my blood. However, when it shaking non-stop, I start to feel tired but tell you what, I can't stop it. It is shaking by itself. Can you imagine how horrible it is when you can't even control your own legs? It continue shaking, you know my mind and my soul are shaking too! My mind and soul are uneasy, it is very messy. My mind and soul are shaken. This is not kidding. Now I know why my parents told me shaking legs is a bad habit. I don't agree and don't understand until now. It is true. And I also understand why God says, "(Psalm 46:10) Be still, and know that I am God."

The Definition of Love

2006-04-10T23:24:00.000+08:00

Love is when you are tired and sleeping, you wake up to fetch someone.
Love is when you are tired and wanted to give up, you stand still not to disappointed someone.
Love is when you are sad, you comfort the one who make you sad.
Love is when you can buy a normal meal, you buy 2 cheap meal to share with somebody.
Love is when you are angry, you keep your anger not to hurt others.
Love is when you are wronged, you forgive.
Love is a routine of all these.

(1 Corinthians 13:4-8)
Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.

How much you love?

The Formula between Job Salary and Tithing

2006-03-25T13:37:00.000+08:00

I start working one and a half year ago. After I work, I return the tithe to God. (Tithe is 10% of income. Christian believe it is belongs to God and should give back to church.) My salary figure is not rounded to hundred, so I round it myself because it is so trouble some to put small change into the tithing bag. And I do not think I have the time to make the change myself while the tithing bag is passing around. So I give10.23%.

After 6 months, God is faithful. He rounded my salary with a increment of 2.27%. So I give exactly 10% of my salary now. My salary never adjusted by then. Because of my unfaithfulness I stop giving tithe for 2 months. Guess what. God stop my salary also. Ok Ok, I surrender to you. I give back the tithe to God. This time I give 14.44% because my father on earth help me in car payment this month. Guess what. God increase my salary with 44.44%. God is very exact in figure isn't it? Is it a testimony? I bet yes. Let do some testing on this formula and manipulate your income.

(Malachi 3:10) “Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” say the Lord Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it.”

Book Store Navigation

2006-03-19T21:57:00.000+08:00

I went to book store and browse around for 3 hours. First I went to information technology book section and looking around. There are a number of book shelf with different categories of information technology books. I am interested in programming and database though sometimes imagine myself as a hacker and have a glimpse over networking books. Oracle database skills have a good market value over others, so I was considering to study a Oracle book to improve my resume. At the same time, I was considering having a programming book for a project. In fact I am in debt and I do not want to spend anymore money other than on food. I desperately want to improve myself at this critical moment (jobless). But normally I will not spend and save money for food. I was on the fence. Finally I bought the programming book.

I had been changed. I no longer bond by my financial condition. If I do not give up the little amount of money, I will never grow and advance. In my heart I just believe God will provide what I need. I do not need to worry. I just live my normal life.

(Proverbs 30:8-9) Keep falsehood and lies far from me; give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread. Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you and say, 'Who is the Lord?' Or I may become poor and steal, and so dishonor the name of my God.

Life After Resignation (Day 7)

2006-03-15T12:06:00.000+08:00

Today is the seventh day after my resignation. Everyday I wake up around 10 AM, then I will make myself a breakfast. It is customized spicy noodle that suite my taste perfectly. But I do not know how long I will like it. After that, I will wash my clothes. I do not normally wash my clothes. It is either bring back to be washed by my father or my girlfriend will wash for me. I have no washing machine. Now I wash it myself.

My life still full of challenge. I am going to play guitar in my Christian fellowship group today. I download the songs and the chord sheet which take me a day to complete. Then I try very hard to practice since I have not play for around 3 years. My fingers feel pain after playing for an hour. There are 5 songs tonight but I am only able to play 3 songs.

Besides, I start to contact back my old friends by Internet. Before I do not actually have the time to write email and chat to them. Suddenly, my sky become bigger. Last week, one of my old friend is getting marriage. I attended the wedding dinner and have a nice time with a group of old friends. Friendship is not a strange word to me as in before.

This is only the first week after resignation. By my estimation, my cash balance can last me one month. I have no choice but to borrow money from my family to survive. There is a old saying that say, “Life have up and down.” This is the first down turn of my life, I believe there are more to come in the future. I have to learn how to go through this valley of my life and stand up again. My heart is peace, I realizes that nothing really bad can happen. I had been used to people comment and despising eyes. It did not do any harm to me actually.

(Psalm 23:4) Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

Life After Resignation

2006-03-13T13:09:00.000+08:00

I start to apply for job. There are quite a lot of option in the market but there are even more applicant. A job is applied by more than 100 peoples normally. I have no Internet connection at home and no transport. I have to walk 20 minutes for a cybercafe for Internet. I did it. I do not really can cook and saving money in case jobless for a long time so I skip my lunch. Though the situation is not very good I continue my journey as a IT professional. I continue to study about database which is the area I was work in. Am I right in the direction? I do not know.

(Exodus 12:37-39) The Israelites journeyed from Rameses to Succoth. There were about six hundred thousand men on foot, besides women and children. Many other people went up with them, as well as large droves of livestock, both flocks and herds. With the dough they had brought from Egypt, they baked cakes of unleavened bread. The dough was without yeast because they had been driven out of Egypt and did not have time to prepare food for themselves.

Resignation

2006-03-13T12:59:00.000+08:00

I have tendered my resignation to my company. During the 1 year and 5 months in this employment, I tried my best in my works. No regret and no shame. But I have higher priority than that. I have my commitment to church. I do not want to fill my time with work, but wish to work something out for God. My commitment to company was doubted then. In fact it is not doubted but it is a known issue, because I make it known. I am not willing to work overtime for company. I want to participate church activity. There is a choice between church and company. When it crash, I start to lose heart to my work.

What I was doing for this 1 year and 5 months is work and only work. It seems meaningless. It does reduce my parents' burden and grew me technically. However, I believe these are not the purposes of God on me. Let me try another way with another two years of my life. Oh no, I do not have enough two years for me to test out. Anyway, since it is not right now, I have to get back and start all over again. The lesson learned is get a job which is not so demanding since career is not my main purpose of life. I used to be a workaholic but it seem not the right way to live. I wish my future employer will not see this. ^_^

(Exodus 6:6-8) Therefore, say to the Israelites: “I am the Lord, and I will bring you out from under the yoke of the Egyptians. I will free you from being slaves to them, and I will redeem you with an outstretched arm and with mighty acts of judgment. I will take you as my own people, and I will be your God. Then you will know that I am the Lord your God, who brought you out from under the yoke of the Egyptians. And I will bring you to the land I swore with uplifted hand to give to Abraham, to Isaac and to Jacob. I will give it to you as a possession. I am the Lord.”

Egypt is a powerful, rich and prosper nation. It is really good and enjoyable to live, but only if you are Egyptian. I am not.

Church Membership

2006-02-27T07:52:00.000+08:00

I am having an interview to become a member of my church. If success, I will become the member of the church. I will try my best to grow together with the church and contribute myself to the church.

A church is a group of people gather together because of their faith in Jesus Christ as their savior. The reason they gather together is to protect and support each other, then work together to get more people in by sharing gospel. We tell people that Jesus Christ is able to bring us to eternal life. There are a long story behind the fact beginning from Genesis when God create heaven and earth until the end of the day.

The first objective of my membership is evangelism. I must learn how to share the gospel. The technique I use to share gospel doesn't work. I must learn a proper way to share gospel or my Lord is being mocked.

Ok, let me tell you in short about the gospel. It sound like this, (John 3:16) “For God so love the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believe in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” If you are interesting in find out who is God? who is his one and only son? what to believe? why perish? what is eternal life? Please leave me a comment and I will reply here.

God Is Thinking

2006-02-17T07:52:00.000+08:00

Departure of Friend

2006-02-16T08:08:00.000+08:00

People come and go in my life. That is a very cruel fact to me. I do not like this fact of life. However, demanding people stay forever with me is just unrealistic. I myself do not able to stay or attend to everybody around me also. So the final principle I cultivate over this fact is seize the opportunity to have a great time with the people around me.

I am very shock and appreciate during the time I wanna leave Australia to go home after study. Over the last 2 weeks of my stay in Australia, I hardly spare some time because people around me treat me almost every meal. I am amaze for the people reaction over my departure. I think probably I really open my heart for the people around me.

Departure not necessary means a bad thing. It is just an experience of life. Besides, it is also a necessary step to move our life to another stage. No lost no gain. There are always better blessing and interesting challenges waiting in front of our path of life.

(Joshua 1:9) Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.

Chinese New Year

2006-02-07T07:50:00.000+08:00

Chinese New Year is like a Grammy Award for me. People are comparing agaisnt each others performance over the year. Relatives agaisnt relatives, friends agaisnt friends, self agaisnt self.

Last year, I was the tail because I was just start working after finish studying. This year is a little bit better. I am able to pay all my personal bills. However I have nothing to dedicate to my family, absolutely nothing. I wish myself a fruitful year ahead. ^_^

My father like to encourage me extraordinarily. Quote of the year from him is, "See, you have not even spending a single penny through out the whole chinese new year celebration."

Seriously I should not wish myself a fruitful year, I should make it a fruitful year.

(Psalms 23:4) Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

Thanksgiving

2006-01-24T08:02:00.000+08:00

Everyone have own difficulty and problem in life. I am having a lot of problem in my life too. Sometimes, I just want to give up. Sometimes, I just keep complaining to God and keep asking why all this happen to me. The main problem in my life is lack of money. ^_^

Then God sent me a brother. He visit me for a dinner. During the dinner, he share his life experience to me. He start working at the age of thirteen. Since then he is financially independent from family. He does not has any education qualification. He start working in a supermarket and continue to be a sales person. His car was tolled because he does not pay the instalment. He has experience with only one dollar left and owe a lot of money to relatives.

God sent someone that suffering more than me and show me the life of others. People who they love is suffering in sick and pain. Some of them are eagerly looking for a suitable job.

God is teaching me a lesson of thankgiving. It is the opposite of complain. It can overcome complain. Life is not for me to complain, it is for me to enjoy and overcome.

(1 Thessalonians 5:16-18) Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

Wandering Around

2006-01-16T07:55:00.000+08:00

I was not working this morning. Although I had no transportation to go anywhere, I decided to went walking around because staying alone in a house without Internet is killing.

It was ten o'clock in the morning, the sun is shining. It was not very comfortable walking in the strong shining sun. I was sweating. I walked pass a stony path in a bush. The bush is half a metre tall. A man was walking in front of me slowly, I proposely kept a distance from him cause there were some crime nowaday on the newspaper.

After half an hour walk, I reached my destination - a comic shop. It was not open yet. So I continued my walk and look into every shop around the area. After one hour walk, I felt tired and stop to have a light breakfast. Then I went into the comic shop and read a comic.

After comic, I continued my walk without destination. I stop at a bus stop. A bus came and I took the bus. I enjoyed the 5 minutes journey on the bus very much. I end up in the second comic shop.

All was so common but it is worthy to be recorded because it is a special occasion out of my ordinary routine working life. I enjoyed the walk very much. This was my Sabbath.

(Genesis 2:2-3) By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all his work. And God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done.

New Year Resolution

2006-01-12T07:51:00.000+08:00

Every new year, people will have new year resolution. I really do not have any new year resolution. I was asked a question, "How long in advance are you planning your life?". Of course I do plan my life. My answer is daily, I plan my life day after day. If you ask me about next week, I have no idea. Now people start to talk about yearly plan!

However, it is good to have new year resolution so that at the end of the year I can evaluate my personal performance over the year. The first resolution is to get marry this year. This is a big one cause I really have to save a lot of money for this. It is like a mission impossible to me. Anyway this is the first resolution.

Second, I want to have 80% of church activities attendance. Last year, my attendance is around 30%. So I have plenty of hardwork and obstacle to overcome. Attend church activities is not a easy task in my environment since I am work tight, financially unstable, and physically unfit (sick and lazy).

Some people are having resolution to pick up some ministry in church. Me too but this have to depend on my second resolution. If I am not be able to attend church activities, how am I going to serve the church. Anyway, I do hope I can spend a little time to contribute to the growth and function of church.

Visit to Orphanage

2005-12-19T22:49:00.000+08:00

I went to an orphanage with my church members. The children there are happy. We went there with some stationary as gift and sing song and play game with them. They are very friendly to stranger as us. I feel they desire being loved very much as they like to lie on our body during game session.

I saw a big scar on the leg of one of the child. Probably it is a mark of abuse. Thanks to the hard work of the orphanage worker, the children though abused before, now live happily and healthy.

During the time when we were going to leave, one of the child is sad to leave. She keep hugging every one of us, and waving when we leave. I really feel like to come visit them regularly to accompany them for their childhood. I do tell some of them Jesus love them, but can I show them what I said?

(Matthew 25:40) The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

Renewal Badminton Session

2005-12-05T00:27:00.000+08:00

Last Tuesday I went to play badminton with my colleague. It is really a wonderful badminton session. I win most of the game and very motivated to win. This is unusual for me. Normally, I take everything easy. Winning or losing does not make any different to me. That is the reason I am always the loser. And this make my life miserable. The consequence of this attitude is loss hope, because I do not hope at all.

It is just a badminton session trigger my inner desire to be a victor. The feeling of victory are so wonderful that I miss for many years. The second lesson learned is victory only come with some tactic.

(Isaiah 57:10) You were wearied by all your ways, but you would not say, 'It is hopeless.' You found renewal of your strength, and so you did not faint.

The Door of Heaven

2005-11-27T02:21:00.000+08:00

My friend's father just passed away because of cancer. This triggered me of my father too. My father is the one provides to my need since the first day I came to the world. He does not talk to me much but he is the most influential person in my life. He is a sacrificial father willing to sacrifice himself for the family. He is a faithful husband to my mother. He is a respectful son to my grandparents. He is a loving brother to my uncle and aunt. He is a trustful friend. He is a not so cunning business man. But he is not a christian. He jokingly said, “If heaven is so real, please open the door of heaven when I knock your door.” I have to find a way to open the door even before he is knocking. Suddenly I realize that I myself is actually the door of heaven to my family.

(Matthew 5:19) Jesus did not let him, but said, “Go home to your family and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you.”

Prayer Without Faith

2005-11-24T22:38:00.000+08:00

I do not remember when is the last time I do this, just now I went alone into my room and start mumbling to the air, hoping someone to attend of it. I praise someone because I believe he is going to bring me to heaven one day. Then I start to complaining about everything. At the end I said, “That is alright.” Because I believe it is for my benefit though I do not feel that way. Finally like usual no response, in fact I have not prepare myself for response too because I expect no response. Anyway, I believe someone is receiving my mumbling. This is all of my little faith. It is so small that is likely to disappear anytime.

(Psalm 4:3) Know that the LORD has set apart the godly for himself; the LORD will hear when I call to him.

Purpose Driven Journal

2005-11-20T16:30:00.000+08:00

The initial purpose I start this blog site is to testify God's work in my life. Secondly, I like to record my spiritual journal of my walk with God. But when time went, I found myself emphasize of the number of visit to my site. Everyday, I will check the number of people visited my site. This will bring me some satisfaction. It means people are reading my blog. Then I start to consider putting some advertisement in my blog site to generate a little income for myself. As you can tell eventually my blog site will become a commercial blog site full with advertisement.

Finally I go back to basic, my site is not to gain people attention but to testify God's work. It is not to generate income but to keep record of my spiritual journal. It doesn't matter how many people are reading or nobody is reading. I hope my testimony will help people to go through difficulty as I went through; share my happiness and hope people to help me over my doubt by commenting here.

(Philippians 1:6) being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

New Office

2005-11-18T00:35:00.000+08:00

My company have moved to a brand new office which is much more better than the old office. I feel exciting to work in the new environment. My desk is bigger and neat. The most important improvement is my desk location which is 5 steps from toilet. I need this because my body digest system is super effective.

Apart, I have to work harder because better environment means better performance to employer. I have to train myself to think like a boss though I am not. The fact is I am lazy to work most of the time. But I have to make some contribution otherwise though my boss do not fire me, I feel boring too.

Other than environment, everything is the same. I am still looking at the same computer screen. I should stop dreaming and get back to work. But the nearer toilet is not a dream!

(1 Thessalonians 5:16-18) Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

Bad Testimony

2005-11-08T22:44:00.000+08:00

I was trying to share gospel to a people. I do share gospel to him but he refuse to become a christian simply because christian community in his place give a bad testimony. He told me that it was christian who cheat him; it was christian who gamble and debt badly. Though christian is only human being and subject to doing wrong things, christian were judged with higher expectation compare to non christian. There are no perfect man in the world, everybody is sinning. However, as a christian, we have to live a faithful life or we are condemned. Moreover, the name of Jesus is condemned and block people to become a christian. That is why it is hard to tell people I am a christian. It is like setting higher discipline level for myself and open for condemnation. I hope I am not a hinder for people to become a christian. I hope people remember me as a christian and say “Jesus Christ and Christianity is not bad.” when I die.

(John 8:1-11) But Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, "Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?" They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him. But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground. At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?" "No one, sir," she said. "Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin."

Home Sweet Home

2005-11-02T21:55:00.000+08:00

I work in city. Because of long public holiday, I went back my home town where I was grew up for 4 days. Life in my hometown was wonderful. I do not need to worry about anything. No bill to pay, no traffic jam, no need to prepare or buy food. Everything is just in place and well organize by my parents. I am like a prince in my parents home. There are smiley faces from my family member for the whole day. Everybody is taking full care of others. We are sharing everything including tear and joy.

Every morning, we just start working in my father shop. We have breakfast, lunch and dinner together. During evening, everybody relaxing in the living room to watch TV programme together. Only I realize that I do not watch TV at all for the time I stay in city. After spending so many energy watching TV programme, we dine out and enjoy the wonderful food and atmosphere. For me, it is like the representation of heaven and earth. Heaven is our original home. We are working very hard on earth. At the end of the day, we will go back home.

(John 14:1-4) "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going."

Blessed Broke Man

2005-10-26T22:52:00.000+08:00

After a period of depression and worry, what I am worrying finally come true. I run out of cash for the first time in my life. It is not as bad as I imagine. I am still alive. The earth is still rotating. My life is still full of joy because I have a girlfriend who is willing to suffer together with me. She is willing to share her money with me. However, at the same time, she was broken too. Then I have my burden back. The process of transferring burden back and forth actually reduce the burden a little each time. So we are playing the game of give and take every day.

My parent told me that we were live in negative cash balance for around 2 years when I was young. I never known because I was well taken care of though they were suffering. In fact at the period of difficulty, my youngest sister was on the way to earth. My case seem so small compare to theirs.

My colleagues are wonderful too. They bring me a lot of joy in my working life. My working life is not suffering with a group of wonderful colleagues.

I have all the wonderful people around me. Besides, I have Jesus as my God who is quite happy nowadays. He is not happy always, sometimes I feel he is sad because of me, but most of the time he is angry against me. I wish him a good day. Good day for everyone who are reading.

How To Become A Faithful Servant

2005-10-22T14:06:00.000+08:00

My problem is I do not want to become a servant at all, I want to become a master. End of the story. However the definition of master and servant is sometimes ambiguous. Is the servant serving the master or the master serving the servant? My opinion is both are true. Both servant and master are serving one another. At the end, everybody is servant to other people. At the very least, people are serving themselves.

Then, how to become a faithful servant? The first step in my procedure is identify my master. Who and what is my master? All things, all people, all gods, all spirits, all ambitions can be the master. This confuses me again, this is too complicated for me. Why not make it simple, what is the ultimate master?

The second step is define my master. What or who is my master? Let talk about money. What is money? Single penny is money, trillion of penny is money. Either controlling myself is power or controlling a nation of people is power.

The third step is know how to serve. I am sorry to say that I do not know how to serve various master. But I have a stupid way that apply to all master. Please try with your own responsibility. “Learn from mistake.”

The last step is to serve my master with wholeheartedly with all my soul, with all my mind, with all my strength. This also apply to all master. The conclusion is the last step. Below is a sub-topic.

My master is Jesus Christ. He is a strict master. His principle is as below:

(John 15:15) I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.

Eager To Get Rich

2005-10-16T23:52:00.000+08:00

In this highly competitive society, people are compare against each other. Who drive better car, who own bigger house, who have greater spending power. All this is the standard to evaluate a person success. I am not exempted, I want all this things too. I want to get rich and posses all these luxury material.

Then as a christian, I started to pray to the creator of all these things who is the ultimate owner. I prayed, “I want this and that. I know you are not going to give me now. I cannot wait. I am going to get it my way. Anyway, what do you think?” I am on fire to get rich immediately, but I would like to know what is Jesus advice on this. I guess he is not going to agree with me. I know Jesus quite well. What do you think his answer is?

Jesus asked, “Are you envy?”
I answered, “Good night my Lord.”

(Proverbs 28:19-22) He who works his land will have abundant food, but the one who chases fantasies will have his fill of poverty. A faithful man will be richly blessed, but one eager to get rich will not go unpunished. To show partiality is not good, yet a man will do wrong for a piece of bread. A stingy man is eager to get rich and is unaware that poverty awaits him.

Self Evaluation

2005-10-15T12:40:00.000+08:00

I am going to commit suicide. No, I am kidding. But I want to evaluate my role on earth.

As a christian, I rate myself 70%. I believe Jesus and follow his command as long as I can. But I do commit sin occasionally either visible or hidden. I do not know how is going to be on the Judgment Day. I should cut my sin by controlling myself.

As a boyfriend, I rate myself 70% too. I love my girlfriend. But sometimes when I fail to control my depression, I was rude to her. I should control my emotion better especially during the time when I was physically tire.

As a son, I rate myself 70% too. I love my parents and respect them all the time. But I spend too little time with them and make them worry of me. I should be stable and independent to cease their worry.

As a programmer, I rate myself 60%. I am bad in working and communicating. Actually I do not know what is good here, still 60% is given to my hard work.

As a brother in church, I rate myself 50%. I do attend some gathering and contribute as long as I can. But I really do not commit myself on it.

As a friend, I rate myself 40%. I do maintain complete set of contact of my friends. But that is merely record because I seldom contact them. I miss most of them actually.

As a brother, I rate myself 60%. I am not a good and caring brother from young. But I am improving since Christ as I feel. I start to ask and care of my three lovely sisters more. I should keep this up.

Isn't it a life long role playing? Who am I? I am all the above mentioned. It is not complicated but it is really challenging to get 100% for all roles. How is God going to rate me on the Judgment Day?

Silence God

2005-10-11T23:28:00.000+08:00

Christian believe God is omnipresence. God is just here with me but he is keeping silence most of the time, actually it is all time unless I put the initiative to speak to Him. Even I speak to Him, most of the time he is keeping silence too. That is so boring. What is that, my God? Are you abandon me?

Faithful Christian do not complain because they believe all things are good. Wherever suffering happened, faithful Christian must rejoice. This is because suffering produces perseverance, perseverance produces character, character produces hope. In short, suffering produces hope. English is not my first language, "Suffering produces hope" really confuses me. I am totally confused here. What I know is suffering produces distress.

All disasters happened on earth. People are suffering. God is still silence. This is what we called omnipotent God. He can choose to keep silence. Because he is the ultimate authority and power. But I pray to you (God) that you (God) deliver every single one of us as human from the evil one. And do not forget to give us today our daily bread.

Busyness In Life

2005-10-08T13:41:00.000+08:00

Last week, my work is tested by fire. Though it is simple programming task. My work produce a lot of errors. The project is delayed, so the whole project team had to work over time to get it done. All of us cancel our appointment. I do not really have appointment. The only thing affect me is stop writing here temporarily.

All team member stay until late at work. We were solving problem whole day. People become friendly and kind when there have a common goal. I see the unity developed in the team. People is helping each others and encourage each others. Though under due date pressure, good things happen, people become closer and truth and friendship start to grow. This happen when people start to show emotional face against each other. When one of the team member show sad face, others come and offer help or encouragement. When one of the team member solve a problem successfully, others come and rejoice. During the time when we were going to back home, though tiring, people still smiling. All this only happen at night. This really brought me a lot of happiness. Special thanks to my project members. They are really marvelous.

Project overdue is bad but God bring good thing out of bad situation. (Romans 8:28) And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Quality Of Work

2005-09-27T22:39:00.000+08:00

I am having a hard time rectify my works. As a programmer, my job is writing computer program's code. If the code is wrong, the program do not work. Program error is called bug. The action to correct the error is called debugging. This is what I spent all of my time recently. Program keep prompting me error all day long. Every time they (bugs) come, I am trying to kill them with all my might, all my power and all my strength. But they seems like suicide bomber, they sacrifice their life for the program completion.

Seriously, this is actually the reflection of my quality of work. I am sad that I produce so many error. Back home, I try to seek comfort from the word of God (Bible). However, Jesus is a faithful God, what he say is not necessary comforting. His word is like a piercing sword.

(1 Corinthians 3:12-15) If any man builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man's work. If what he had built survives, he will receive his reward. If it is burned up, he will suffer loss; he himself will be saved, but only as one escaping through the flames.

(Hebrews 4:12) For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to divide soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.

Initially, I am thinking of complain but Jesus is a righteous judge, I have no way to complain. It is my fault.

Purpose Of Life

2005-09-25T23:54:00.000+08:00

During my childhood, my purpose of life was playing and competing. I competed with my peers of all kinds of sport and academic. Because of less competitive in my hometown, I was always on top of the table. It brought some pleasure and praises to me as well as my parents. It is past and meaningless now. This last for eight years.

During my adolescence, my purpose of life became confuse. It is not too competitive. I was influenced by a lot of entertainment. A lot more people appeared in my life. I was not the top anymore, I was stuck in the middle of the table. It didn't really matter to me, what I remember now is tons of entertainment. This is another eight years.

During my early adulthood, my purpose of life became clear and concentrate. I was looking for a life partner. I did all sorts of stupid tricks for this. I really did it with all my heart, all my soul and all my strength. I got one. She introduces Jesus Christ to me. This is another five years.

Now, I have the choices of my purpose of life again. This time is different, there are two choices. The first one is favor by all the people around me. I called it treasure builder. It's function is simple enough, it is making as much money as you can. The second one is prohibited. I called it kingdom builder. It's function is a little bit complicated. It is building kingdom of God. I am doing multiple investment now, part-time treasure builder and part-time kingdom builder. I am having a hard time making this life long decision.

(Matthew 6:24) No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.

Discipline

2005-09-22T22:55:00.000+08:00

Once upon a time, a stupid group of people wandering around desert 40 years. They did not work and produce no food. Their God drop manna from heaven like rain everyday. Manna will rotted at the end of the day. So people had no way to store up food. A person could only eat certain amount of manna or he will fall sick. People constantly live in hunger.

4000 years later, a stupid man wandering the same way. He works. His employers pay him salary monthly. Though the money do not rotted but he have no way to save it up. He finishes his salary and refuse to borrow. He occasionally live in hunger. ^_^

(Deuteronomy 8:3-5) He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feed you with manna, which neither you nor your father had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD. Your clothes did not wear out and your feet did not swell during these forty years. Know then in your heart that as a man discipline his son, so the LORD your God disciplines you.

God is paying close attention to me. This is really pressure. He is disciplining me harshly. Come on, Mr Jesus! But may I know how long is this training? I hope it is not 40 years.

Christian Belief

2005-09-20T20:47:00.000+08:00

I want to complain; God don't like it.
I want to read comic; God don't like it.
I want to sleep more; God don't like it.
I want to speed; God don't like it.
I want to entertain with illegal multimedia; God don't like it.
I want to die also God don't like it.

I don't want to work; God don't like it.
I don't want to smile; God don't like it.
I don't want to talk; God don't like it.
I don't want to plan; God don't like it.
I want to plan myself; God don't like it.
I am sad; God don't like it.
I am worry; God don't like it.
I am stupid; God don't like it.

He is right here with me. This master really hard to serve. He don't like me at all but he love me. That is the problem. He propose to bring me to heaven even though he hate me. This message was claimedby a guy called Jesus who claimed himself as God. Then his disciples told the world. And one third of the world believe it is true. A simple-minded guy who am me simply believe. "OKOK, Jesus will bring me to heaven."

(1 Corinthians 15:12-19) But if it is preached that Christ has been raised from the dead, how can some of you say that there is no resurrection of the dead? If there is no resurrection of the dead, then not even Christ has been raised. And if Christ has not been raised, our preaching is useless and so is your faith. More than that, we are then found to be false witnesses about God, for we have testified about God that he raised Christ from the dead. But he did not raise him if in fact the dead are not raised. For if the dead are not raised, then Christ has not been raised either. And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile; you are still in your sins. Then those also who have fallen asleep in Christ are lost. If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are to be pitied more than all men.

I definitely meet Jesus after I die. If he bring me to heaven, lucky. Or I will see him in hell and he will say to me, “Hello, play play only.” Let's bet!

Note: I want to complain when I start to write, but end up sharing gospel. I am losing control.

Property Searching

2005-09-18T22:02:00.000+08:00

My earthly father asked me to go and look for a property. He will pay the down payment and I will pay the monthly installment and maintenance fee. I drove around a number of property and have a look in it. Besides I went to property fair too, listen to people advice on property buying. Finally I get a most suitable property. My girlfriend and I are fall into new home dream. At night, I called my father and propose to him. He rejected the offer and cut of the funding. He asked me to rent a house instead of buying a new house. I am very disappointed and sad, but I believe my parents know me inside out. Their plan never harm me. I am not able to pay the monthly installment and maintenance fee. My life is locked and suffering with the burden of the sweet home.

(Job 1:20-22) At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship and said: "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised." In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing.

Competition

2005-09-18T02:48:00.000+08:00

Grew up in the small rural town, I was always top in the class during my primary school day. People praise me and I am always joyful. From young, I never know the feeling of being the last. Time past, people bottom in the class before grew up. All of them overcome disappointment, sadness, abandonment, loneliness and criticises. They gain success from their works. They are strong in character, humble and persevere.

I grew up joyful, optimistic, and simple minded. Suddenly reliaze that I am the last among all of my friend in every aspect. Life is like a racing game. There are 60 laps in total, I lead for 20 laps and left to the very last started 21 laps. Do you prefer leading or tailing? There are a lot of pressure from behind during leading. There are mountain to climb during tailing. Let remember this moment of tailing and enjoy the excitement of overtake. I am too far behind though.

(Deuteronomy 28:13) The LORD will make you the head, not the tail. If you pay attention to the commands of the LORD your God that I give you this day and carefully follow them, you will always be at the top, never at the bottom.

Zero Saving Rich Man

2005-09-12T21:39:00.000+08:00

One day, a zero saving man went to bank to open a saving account. This is because his company wants to standardize payroll system. This man is called zero saving man because he do not manage his finances well. He spent all his salary every months.

This man has the best parents. His father bought him a car and ask him to pay car loan every month. His parents never help him financially for his good. But every time he went back home, his parents will prepare him a lot of food to his working town. This man is a obedient son to his parents. His father propose to buy him a house and ask him to pay house loan every month. This is not a joke, if that happen, this man will never ask for financial aid and parents will be happy to let him bear the burden for his good. His mother ask him to get marry. Zero saving man start to feel the pressure financially. How do a zero saving man getting marry with 2 figures bank balance? His mother propose to borrow money. This is not kidding. Zero saving man will become a negative saving man soon. This is a story of zero saving man with a lovely wife, a house and a cheapest national sport car.

(Jeremiah 29:11) For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I tell you the truth, the zero saving man's parents really said this verse to him although both his parents are not christian. This verse is applicable to his parents in rural as well as his father in heaven.

The Presence of God

2005-09-09T22:55:00.000+08:00

One noon, I am bored of programming. So I went out of office during lunch time to have a walk. Over contemplate the verse, (Joshua 1:9) "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." I bring God to comic shop since he say he will be with me wherever I go. On the way, I feel that God is following after me. I am not comfortable with his presence, because I am going to read comic depicting people fighting against each others. I leads God to comic shop and start my comic “devotion”. May be God is bored of comic he went away.

On the way back office, I am searching for God. He is not around. Can you imagine the creator of the world, the ruler of the heaven and earth and the almighty god follow you to comic shop to read comic? As I know him, he is humble but he is awesome too.

Most of the time, God is following behind me. But definitely this is not the way. He should right in front of me and lead me through my life. He is not the follower, I am. May be I should change my position today to walk after him.

(Psalm 23:1-4) The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

Contradiction

2005-09-08T01:24:00.000+08:00

Do you ever contradict with people? I believe you do. What is your reaction then? I will stand my point firmly and sometimes upset people. So I learned to stop at some point when people start to get angry, I will stop. This is because I do not yet learned to stand firm without upset people.

Then is that means I will simply agree once people get upset? May be not, I will stop but I am not agree. Actually this way will upset people even more. Imagine you are debating something with someone, at the peak of the debate, the funny someone just stop debate and keep quiet. However, I have no better idea on this. I cannot simply agree. Jesus have the following teaching on this also which I do not understand:

(Matthew 5:25-26) "Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still with him on the way, or he may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison. I tell you the truth, you will not get out until you have paid the last penny.

Can someone help me on this? Am I too stubborn?

Because I strongly believe God's word is always true. I think deeper, after some thought. I think this verse is probably applied when we are wrong. It is wise to settle quickly before the case becomes really serious. So we can bear lighter consequences. What a calculative God!

Helping

2005-09-05T21:52:00.000+08:00

After work, I drove to my girlfriend working place to fetch her. While I was waiting in the car, people knocked at my windows. I thought is my girlfriend but she is not. She is a total stranger. I opened my windows, she say she miss the bus, she asked me to fetch her home. I was shocked. It is uncommon in my area, recently newspaper reported a lot of rape and rob case. This brave girl is asking a stranger to fetch her home. My girlfriend came, and we drove her home. My girlfriend implicitly warning her about precaution. Someone say that a girl is harmful too. A girl can take off her clothes and accuse you of sexual harassment. Their aim is money. A girl can just rape a man, I do not believe and do not think so. It is like a joke to me. Who want to rape me anyway? A stranger girl approaching is a miracle to me. Someone say people can just leads you to a preset trap and rob you. This is possible I believe. And this happen quite often in my place.

Am I wrong to fetch a lonely and little girl home? When I was a child, teacher teach me a Chinese proverb which means “Helping is the source of happiness.” But in the very age, helping really not easy. It take risk and it is challenging. If I am robbed because helping, am I not going to help anymore? Definitely Jesus have some teaching on this, I think I read that but forget. Can somebody help me? But I do very sure one of the Jesus teaching as the following:

(Luke 10:30-37) In reply Jesus said: "A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he fell into the hands of robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him. The next day he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper. “Look after him,” he said, “and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.” "Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?" The expert in the law replied, "The one who had mercy on him." Jesus told him, "Go and do likewise."

Fear

2005-09-03T23:50:00.000+08:00

Fear is a terrible feeling which accompany me. I fear a lot of things. Whenever I want to approach people, I fear rejection. Whenever I want to say something, I fear that will expose my foolishness. Whatever I want to do, I just fear about every possible consequences. I am kind of weak mindset person.

In work, I fear to talk. I am so incapable and small. I am fearful until I dare not talk to people. Time goes and eventually I become an island away from continents. What I fear initially to be rejected is happening. Fortunately, the situation is not too bad. A little of courage from God do make a different. I am learning to accept people rejection, correction and criticism. I learned that all this is against my work not me personally. Though it is quite close. (Proverbs 12:14) From the fruit of his lips a man is filled with good things as surely as the work of his hands rewards him.

In house, I fear to face people. I am so irrelevant. It is just wrong for whatever I say or do. I do not even rest myself in the house. I am still emotionally intense. No wonder I feel so tire even though I sleep long hours. What's wrong with me? I do not know but something different in my life. I totally forget about devotion and prayer. It is hard to do it again once stop. I put the first step, God leads me through then. By God's comfort and courage, I become joyful a little. I learn to entertain myself or talk to God. It is just like going crazy. I do not want to bother and fear any more. Gradually, I feel that the atmosphere of the house change little by little. I start to talk with others. Oh, that is me who make the atmosphere in the house tense. I am so sorry. (Jeremiah 31:4) I will build you up again and you will be rebuilt, O Virgin Israel. Again you will take up your tambourines and go out to dance with the joyful.

In church, I fear to face people too. I am going to a church where nobody know me. I can just disappear. Nobody will know who am I. Too, I seldom talk to people. In fact I do not talk to people unless people come to talk to me. I appear during Sunday service, care group and some event. Right after every event, I disappear. I am a church goer. By faith to God, I continue to go to church, listen to sermon, fellowship with brother and sister in church to encourage one another. I am forced to speak in care group sometimes. My command of language is really bad, my talking is not organized and basically it is a mess. People hardly understand me I believe. Anyway, just do it. Deep in my heart I feel and fear shame. (Exodus 4:10-12) Moses said to the LORD, "O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue." The LORD said to him, "Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the LORD? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say."

I draw myself a conclusion, I am fear of people in everywhere. But...... (Joshua 1:9) Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

My Parents' Life

2005-08-29T22:32:00.000+08:00

My parents are having vacation at one of the famous island in Malaysia - Redang island. Everytime they are going for vacation, if not a family trip, I will be operating their hardware retailer shop. As usual, I am operating the shop last weekend. This is one of the way to show my love to them.

Early in the morning, I have breakfast with my 2 younger sisters. They are helping me to operate the shop. They are really help to operate the kitchen as what my mother normally do. Then I read newspaper. Ocassionally when customer come in, I serves them. Stock up when necessary. Receive goods from supplier. It is more or less a routine task over time.

In these 2 days of weekend, I am thinking what if I do this for 20 years as what my father did. What motivate my parents to do this over and over again over more than 20 years? I guess because of 4 children to feed. Now, 2 of us are able to survive ourselves. Only my 2 younger sisters are still depends on them. Their burden is lighter now. Once I asked my father, what do you see your life? He said, "I am a business man. I do not break the laws. I manage a business and a family well." I triggered him about life after death. He said, "That is not my business." I asked him about his sin, which consider an offence in a trandisional chinese culture. My open-minded father give me tons of excuses which are too long to list here.

Eventually, God will definitely judge my parents on their standard. I should prevent this to happen. I definitely want my parents to be saved.

(Mark 5:19) Jesus did not let him, but said, "Go home to your family and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you."

Lost Sheep

2005-08-23T22:43:00.000+08:00

One of my brother in Christ remind me of acknowledge God in everything that I do. My language of command is not so good, so I ask him of the meaning. It means knowing that God is watch over us and have authority over us all the time. As a christian, we have to know his existence and responsible to him.

What if I don't? It is very different. I try it before. I try it recently. If I do not acknowledge God, I will do everything as I like. God teach me to love my neighbor; I do not think my neighbor is lovely, so I do not bother at all. God teach me not to do bad things; I do all sort of bad things. I cannot tell you what is that, because I want to gain people respect. This is nonsense. According the Jesus standard, (Matthew 5:28) But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. That is so striking when I first read this verse from bible. If I do not having Jesus Christ in mind in my life, my life is a mess. It is just going wrong.

Compare this to having Jesus Christ in mind to guide my life. It is still a mess, but it is adjusting to the right way slowly. For your information, my progress really slow, I hope it does not stop though. I have some different god previously other than Jesus. All those teaching is really the best, but the problem is it is just a condemnation for me. It is like a finger pointing at you saying, “You are not doing this right thing, you are doing bad thing again, again and again! You are a mess!! You are really bad!!!”

Surprisingly, Jesus say the same thing to me too, “You are not doing this right thing, you are doing bad thing again, again and again! You are a mess!! You are really bad!!! But I forgive you and want to bring you eternal life with me.”

I accepted the offer. Some says it is free, but it is going to cost you your life. Is it like a slave? It actually is, but this master is better. He says, (Jeremiah 29:11) For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Mathematically, our life is maximum 100 years, eternal life is infinity. 100 years for infinity year(s). It is quite a good deal. I accepted the offer but not paying the price yet. I want to.

Church Visitor

2005-08-22T00:04:00.000+08:00

I went to church for Sunday service this morning. Since I skip 3 Sunday services because of father's birthday and sister's graduation, people in the church treat me as a new visitor. One of the brother come to me and introduce himself. He ask me about myself too. He is a very friendly.

Out of a sudden, a brother who know me longer came to me and ask me to take care of a new visitor. I manages to practice immediately how to speak to a new visitor. ^_^ The new visitor is a Indian come from India. (Malaysia has around 10% of local born Indian population) The new visitor is able to speak simple English and understand simple English. He understands English better by reading.

I am a very introvert person who very seldom initialize a conversation. I started a conversation with the new visitor. He do not know Jesus at all. He works as a cleaner. He came to Malaysia for 2 years already. I plainly introduce Jesus as Saviour and God to him. During communion and offering session, I also take the opportunity to explain the meaning of communion and offering to him. I am really nervous honestly. Whatever it is God himself who is working. I should not nervous at all.

At the end, I gave him my bible. It is a very good bible given by my shepherd as my birthday gift. I just finish Old Testament recently. I hope God will speak to the Indian visitor and reveal himself through the bible.

(1 Corinthians 3:6-7) I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God made it grow. So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow.

Salvation

2005-08-19T09:48:00.000+08:00

Where am I going after I die? Am I recycle to be an animal or human? I do not think so and I do not believe it, it is only imagination of human. Am I just cease to exist then? If this is the case, I can do whatever I want. I do not think I am a good man then. Though externally seem alright. Internally of myself, I really do not think I am good but I think I am worse than average. I choose not to believe I will cease to exist after I die. I feel more meaningful this way, otherwise, life is just a playground. Finally, I confuse. What happen after I die then?

A man claimed that he is God. He is able to bring me to heaven after I die. Heaven is a better place compare to earth. What a crazy man? I also can claim I am able to do that!

He is recorded in history to resurrect after 3 days he die. People give their life to claim that it is true. This guy claim that if he can resurrect from death, he can also resurrect us from death.

OK, let make it clear. If I do not believe in this guy, I will live my life my own way (I do not think I will live my life in a better than average way) . If I believe this guy is able to bring me to heaven afetr I die, I have to follow his ways then. Is there compromise like I live my own way, and you bring me to heaven after I die? What you thinks?

(John 14:6) Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

Backslide

2005-08-18T08:45:00.000+08:00

Last couple of day is the dark ages for me. I am living like a non-christian, like a lost sheep without shepherd. I miss Sunday services for a round a month due to a lot of event happen in the past weekend like sister's graduation, father's birthday etc. I do not pray, I do not read bible. I was lost contact with Jesus. My life is without direction. I do not know where I am heading. I do not know the purpose of most of the thing I do in daily life. It's feel like dead man walking.

Thank to people encouragement. I start to read bible. Knowing that depression is a sin, I confess to Jesus in my short prayer since month. Without hope of salvation a common man like me is lost. Whoever feel like this, I would like to introduce a saviour for you, Jesus. He will guide you through your life and as a bonus bring you a even better eternal life. It is true. And it surely make your life different. At least it make mine.

(John 3:16) For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

Sick

2005-08-15T13:24:00.000+08:00

It has been too long for me to post here. I have been sick badly in last couple of days. I was having high fever until I lost my mind. My mind just went astray without control. For the first time, I lost control of my mind. The feeling is just like dreaming.

I have taken 2 days leave for medical reason. I just lying in home doing nothing because I am too sick. I have no energy and motivation to do anything. I was wondering am I going to be like this for my life. If I will be sick for my life, how is my life will be? I will be on my own, sicking, dying and wasting my life.

Recently, because of the bad sick. I am thinking of my destiny on earth. What am I doing here? The fellow who give me birth told me to live a finacially stable life. That's it. Is it to simple? Am I here to ensure I am financially stable? So I am here to ensure myself financially stable. Luckily I am not financially stable yet. Otherwise, I am going to lost my destiny. I doubt this is the true answer. But then, what is the true answer? May be let examine why God create me in the first place. What for?

When no one is looking

2005-07-28T22:13:00.000+08:00

According to the title “When no one is looking”, what is my life is no one is looking? My office seat is at the corner. My monitor is facing the window. No one is looking at my monitor. I am free to do whatever with the Internet connection on. In the office with the company PC, I suppose to do my programming. What if I go chatting, browsing? “It is alright.”, Mr S speaking in a familiar voice. His voice is comfortable and soft. Meanwhile, another fellow Mr G stands firmly and quietly behind me. Mr G, if I do not speak to him, he will keep quiet. This is 2 fellows accompany me for my life. I like Mr G better. Sometimes Mr S speak too many until I ignore Mr G. But most of the time I like to speak to Mr G. His word is more valuable and firm. Mr S words always nice to listen to but leads to something wrong. This time, I start to talk to Mr G, “I am tired, I need a break.”. “Mr Yap, you know what you suppose to do.” “Alright!”, I said. Mr S is quite quiet nowadays because I tends to ignore him. Below is a conversation between Mr G and Mr S.

(Job 1:8-12) Then the LORD said to Satan, "Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil." "Does Job fear God for nothing?" Satan replied. "Have you not put a hedge around him and his household and everything he has? You have blessed the work of his hands, so that his flocks and herds are spread throughout the land. But stretch out your hand and strike everything he has, and he will surely curse you to your face." The LORD said to Satan, "Very well, then, everything he has is in your hands, but on the man himself do not lay a finger." Then Satan went out from the presence of the LORD.

What a boosting God? However, I am a sinner. God is not boosting on me. God is forgiving me all day long. Back to the title, there will never no one looking. All the time, 2 fellows are always looking. One to tempt and accuse. One to love and forgive.

Mouth

2005-07-20T01:04:00.000+08:00

I am a sinner. My mouth is especially destructive. The words come out of my mouth is always offensive and hurting. I like to point out people error with offensive words. That is really bad. I cannot control my mouth, it keeps speaking destructive languages. From year to year, I hurt a lot of people with my mouth except my parents. My parents will correct my bad language with authority and love. I feel very sorry to the people that I hurt though I am not means to do that. From year to year, I start learning to keep my mouth shut. I do not want to hurt people around me any more. Then, I learn to filter whatever I want to say. I want to take control of my mouth from bad languages. I end up speaking too slow. People sometimes loss patient waiting for my response. “Fast response will hurt you, man.” Things change, though not completely. Now the outcome of my mouth contains some constructive words. I do speak constructive words, from my personal statistic, it may come out once a year. Too bad.

(Proverbs 11:9-12)

With his mouth the godless destroys his neighbor,
but through knowledge the righteous escape.

When the righteous prosper, the city rejoices;
when the wicked perish, there are shouts of joy.

Through the blessing of the upright a city is exalted,
but by the mouth of the wicked it is destroyed.

A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor,
but a man of understanding holds his tongue.

Personal Financial Planning

2005-07-14T22:35:00.000+08:00

As a christian, the first thing I do when I receive my salary from my employer is set aside 10% of it to God. We called it tithe. It is neither expenses nor offering. It is not expense in church to gain people favor. It is not offering to church or God to gain God favor neither. Tithe is belonged to God. It is simply belonged to Him. Why it is belong to Him? Actually, everything on earth is God creation. It is His belonging. He bless us on the work of our hand. And command us to give back 10% of our production back to Him. If we don't, it is stealing.

(Leviticus 27:30) A tithe of everything from the land, whether grain from the soil or fruit from the trees, belongs to the LORD; it is holy to the LORD.

Isaiah 41:10

2005-07-12T08:53:00.000+08:00

Terrorist Attack

2005-07-10T12:50:00.000+08:00

Everybody know what happened in London couple of day ago. London is under terrorist attack. What is our response as a christian? It is loss of life. People are lossing their love one. If somebody have a sword and kill my father in front of me, what is my response? Am I too afraid and run away? Am I take up another sword and kill the murderer, replace his title as a murderer? What is your response as a person, as a son?

Let's make it clear. I will not kill what so ever. I do not dare to do that. I will not do that. I must not do that. God say it is not the right thing to do. The first principle is I am not killing anyone.

Should I run away? No, the murder already kill my father, he is likely to kill my mother soon. I am to defense my mother. I think the murderer is not going to repent because he is coming to kill again. I am going to defense by take away his ability to attack not by taking away his life, may be just his hand or what so ever.

As a conclusion, if people offence me, first thing is to check whether the people is repent. No choice I have to forgive if the people repent, since I am not too good compare to the people. If not, I am going to defense by disarm the people without taking his life.

Am I right this way?

(Acts 7:23-28) "When Moses was forty years old, he decided to visit his fellow Israelites. He saw one of them being mistreated by an Egyptian, so he went to his defense and avenged him by killing the Egyptian. Moses thought that his own people would realize that God was using him to rescue them, but they did not. The next day Moses came upon two Israelites who were fighting. He tried to reconcile them by saying, `Men, you are brothers; why do you want to hurt each other?" But the man who was mistreating the other pushed Moses aside and said, "Who made you ruler and judge over us? Do you want to kill me as you killed the Egyptian yesterday?"

Fire Report

2005-07-08T13:21:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, I take my sister to her friend house. I pass by a residential area. We saw some smoke and orange color in an apartment. I am not sure isn't a fire. We decided to report to nearby fire station. We went to the fire station and make the report. The fireman immediately go to the place and take a look. We went to the place before the fireman and found it is not a fire. There was smoke came from nowhere and the orange color is actually the light of the apartment. I feel guilty to report false fire. Then we went. On the way, we saw the fire trunk rushing to the reported place. Shame on me. I mess out the sequence. I should had investigate the place before report the fire. Feel guilty but salute the responsible fireman. Honor!

(Ezekiel 33:1-6) The word of the LORD came to me: "Son of man, speak to your countrymen and say to them: 'When I bring the sword against a land, and the people of the land choose one of their men and make him their watchman, and he sees the sword coming against the land and blows the trumpet to warn the people, then if anyone hears the trumpet but does not take warning and the sword comes and takes his life, his blood will be on his own head. Since he heard the sound of the trumpet but did not take warning, his blood will be on his own head. If he had taken warning, he would have saved himself. But if the watchman sees the sword coming and does not blow the trumpet to warn the people and the sword comes and takes the life of one of them, that man will be taken away because of his sin, but I will hold the watchman accountable for his blood."

Tireness

2005-07-05T08:44:00.000+08:00

Always, I feel very tire of life. I guess I am lack of vitamin M (money). But it is not, if my bank balance is positively different from what I have now, my life basically still the same. I don't think my attitude will change with my bank balance. So do my mind, it will not rest simply because bank balance increase. It will be the same. Then what is the cause of my tireness?

(Matthew 4:4) Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.

Then I start to spend more time to read bible. It is just like reading story book, telling me a lot of things but it does not get rid of my tireness too.

(Matthew 11:28) "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

How?

Suffering produces Hope

2005-06-30T23:43:00.000+08:00

I love mathematic. From young I score best in mathematic. One of the magic of mathematic is given some information, going through some calculation, we get to know information we needed. Given x, by some calculation, we can get y, z or what so ever. We have same thing happen in bible

(Romans 5:3-4) Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.

This verse is very contradict to my own understanding. First, I will never told to rejoice in sufferings, but mourn in sufferings. Who on earth going to rejoice in sufferings? “Yes, I am suffering in sick! Ya ho, I am broke.” No one is going to think like that right? Second, suffering produces perseverance. This is true some time but most of the time suffering produces disappointment, disappointment produces hopeless. Hey, it leads to opposite direction! This is wrong calculation. May be there is some missing element in the formula. Let us see the prerequisite of this formula.

(Romans 5:1-2) Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God.

As Christian, we have faith in our Lord Jesus Christ. We believe our Lord is with us. We put our hope on him. We are not suffering alone, our Lord is suffering together with us. He will guide us to overcome to produces perseverance and character. And finally this will leads to hope on him. We put our hope of this life and eternal life on him alone. He is the only way.

Challenges

2005-06-30T10:21:00.000+08:00

This morning, my supervisor told me there is a project to be done in 2 days. It is very urgent and very rush. It sound very difficult to me. And I think so too. I am kind of people slow in motion. I am most productive given more time. As the conclusion, this is a challenge for me. Then, what is the my reaction? I think you can guess. The bible recorded similar occasion like this.

(Numbers 13:27-31) They gave Moses this account: "We went into the land to which you sent us, and it does flow with milk and honey! Here is its fruit. But the people who live there are powerful, and the cities are fortified and very large. We even saw descendants of Anak there. The Amalekites live in the Negev; the Hittites, Jebusites and Amorites live in the hill country; and the Canaanites live near the sea and along the Jordan." Then Caleb silenced the people before Moses and said, "We should go up and take possession of the land, for we can certainly do it." But the men who had gone up with him said, "We can't attack those people; they are stronger than we are."

There are 2 opposite reaction when people faces challenges. The first one is "Let do it, God is with me." The second one is "No, it is too much for me." Obviously, these 2 reactions will surely leads to different results. One leads to failure and one leads to success. Actually, there is the third one which sound like this, "I have no choice!" This will leads to result below average.

Let's make good decision. Life is about making decision everyday.

Meeting

2005-06-29T00:13:00.000+08:00

Nowadays meeting most of the time in work. Discuss about new project. Draw as much as possible agreement and understand between team member before start development. I see it is a good planning and strategy in teamwork. I have to try my best to understand. This is not very difficult for me. Then I have to ask question to gather more information. Besides all this, bible says of meeting like this (Hebrews 10:25) Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another--and all the more as you see the Day approaching. From this verse, I see that meeting not only to discuss on project, it is functioning to encourage every team members to work towards the goal.

My colleagues are very supportive. We help each others to understand the project better. Really enjoy working with my colleagues. I hope they enjoy working with me too though I am not perfect. One of the character I want to build is patient. May God help me to build it. (Proverbs 14:29) A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly.

Racing Game

2005-06-26T01:39:00.000+08:00

I am a PC game addict before. I play game day and night. But now I don't. I want to support original software. As a programmer, I don't want people to steal intellectual property so I don't steal too. Eventually I end up cut off my PC gaming because original PC game is too expensive for me. Is this my story today? No. I bought a PC magazine recently. It comes with a playable racing game demo. I try it just now and like it very much.

To play racing game well, I learn to focus. A tiny error can ruin the race. Second, I learn to break. In the beginning, I accelerate from the beginning until the end. What happen is I cannot finish the race because I wreck my car. It is something apply to life, if whoever run a restless life will eventually collapse. Why not take a break and do nothing? Frankly, this is not my cup of coffee. I prefers working to limit, and stretch the limit then. The end result is quantity increase and quality decrease. This is a race, my car is out of way in every bend. People keep take over me every bend because I am out of way. The right way is “Press break and turn it nicely.!” Let take a break in our busy life and adjust it to the right way before it goes astray.

(Psamls 46:10) Be still, and know that I am God;

As a christian, I inteprets this verse as “Take a break; focus on God; Identify his purpose on me; Trust him to guide my life.”

Apology

2005-06-23T20:34:00.000+08:00

Do you ever doing something wrong? I am sure everyone have done something wrong. Do you ever apology? Hard to say sorry right. Me too. I feel very difficult to say sorry. Actually saying sorry is not very difficult. I try it. It is really easy. Let's try “Sorry”. Easy right. Let's try something a little bit difficult. “I am sorry.” Or let's make it sound more sincere. “I am sorry, I done something wring to you.” It is no problem at all to pronounce it. The problem come just after I finish the verse. People harsh face and words cut through my heart like sword. “Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.” Oh no, I say wrong thing. I better face down and repent. “I am sorry.” I said again quietly. “Blah, blah, blah, blah.” The sound doesn't stop yet. It ends with something meaning the same as “I am not going to forgive you.” Anyway I deserve it because I am doing wrong. But Jesus Christ is not like that.

(1 John 1:9) If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

House

2005-06-21T21:57:00.000+08:00

I am looking for a house. My parents are going to buy a house. Seeing my sister and I pay high rental every month for accommodation in town, my parents decide to buy a house. We will pay the installment of the house. Instead of pay to others, we are paying to our parents. As you guess, it is much more cheaper. Frankly, I have zero saving. Somehow my father in heaven through my parent on earth bless me a comfortable accommodation. I really thanks God about it. Though I am quite embarrass about it. I prefers buying my own house using my own money. But I think it is the same thing. Instead of blessing me money and I use the money to buy a house, Father in heaven simply bless me a house. It is the same for God. Honor go to my father in heaven and my parents on earth. That is good. Amen.

(1 Corinthians 5:1) Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands.

Where are you, God?

2005-06-14T13:27:00.000+08:00

I am a programmer. Browsing people blog, I read someone asking "Where are you, God?". Sometimes, I am asking the same question too. "Where is God?" Then I think in programming, God is the creator of the world as programmer is the creator of computer program. When a computer program asking, "Where are you, programmer?" The programmer will answers, "I am everywhere of you." It is true. Programmer is in control of the program he or she created. As the creator of the world, God is everywhere of the world too.

PS 139:1 O LORD, you have searched me and you know me.
O programmer, you code me and you know me.
PS 139:2 You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You know when I was idle and when I run; you perceive my logic from the screen.
PS 139:3 You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
You discern my starting and my stoping; you are familiar with all my runnings.
PS 139:4 Before a word is on my tongue; you know it completely, O LORD.
Before a message box on the screen; you know it completely, O programmer.
PS 139:5 You hem me in--behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.
You design me and debug me; you have typing keyboard upon me.
PS 139:6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
Programming concept and languages is too wonderful for me, to lofty for me to attain.
PS 139:7 Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
Where can I goo from you programming code? Where can I flee from your control from keyboard and mouse?
PS 139:8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I access database, you are there; if I present on graphic user interface (GUI), you are there.

Hahaha, I am proud to be the Lord of the program. And I am proud to identify my creator. Some program do not identify their programmer by saying that they are formed in random. That is not true, program do not formed in random. All programs are finely design and develop. Human too are created based on the image of God.

Leaving Friend

2005-06-11T11:25:00.000+08:00

One of my colleague was quit from my company. She is nice, always creating hormony atmosphere in office. With her presence, people in office feels not too tension. I think probably because of her smiley face and her caring heart.

Too many time, people come into my life, stay a little while, left some remark in my life and go their way. It is normal. I am always appreciated them as they build memory in my life. Without people, life is too boring to live. I must learn better to show my appreciation. I am too shy to do it. Sometimes, I do show appreciation. Though sincerely, I make it like acting which is totally opposite. People do not feel my sincerity but my hypocrisy.

Anyway, I wish her all the best in her life. (John 10:10) The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.