Vision

I have a vision. There are an open field. In the field, there are a lot of sheep. Some are brown, some are white. Most of them wandering around without shepherd. There are a few shepherd around. Some sheep gather around this shepherds. I see a swarm of white and brown sheep gather around a shepherd. Some of them talk to sheep outside the swarm, asking them to join the swarm. Some of them talk to sheep outside the swarm and leave the swarm. Some of the sheep gather together and follow the shepherd closely. Some of the sheep help the shepherd organize and leads a smaller number of other sheep. All of them busy around. The shepherd look after his sheep closely and nurture them well. He is leading his sheep to a green pastures. Sometimes they go pass a dark valley, but the sheep do not afraid. They just follow the shepherd closely. The sheep feel very secure with the shepherd presence.

(Psalms 23) The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me besides quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the day of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Sick

Yesterday morning is like usual working morning. Amazingly my task have a profound break through. But just minute after that I found myself not feeling well. I had headache and started to fever. I quickly cleaned up my task to be deliverable, and requested for a sick leave from my superior. All in a sudden, I could not even drive. My girlfriend drove me to clinic and back home. I was totally off. Doctor granted me 2 days medical leave, so I have a day off today. My girlfriend looks after me very well. She called up my mother and learn to lower my body temperature by ice. It is very effective. My mother was very worried because I have somnambulism when I was fever. I do not this time. Today I feel better. Tomorrow I can work again. My schedule is left behind even more. (Job 5:18) For he wounds, but he also binds up; he injures, but his hands also heal.

Daily Task

Most of my working hour spend to solve computer programming problem. Problem by problem, it will never end. It is like a cycle, research, plan, design and implement, then research, plan, design and implement. My schedule is lagging behind. I have a little stress on it. It should not be like that. I think I spend too much time researching. Like the bible states (Ecclesiastes 5:7) Much dreaming and many words are meaningless. I cannot do the same thing and expect different result. I have to schedule my time to start tangible work instead of pointless researching.

Funny Prayer

After 4 months, finally I finish reading a book with the title “A book of Prayer”. It is a book about prayer obviously. I learn a lot of purposes and ways of prayer. As a summary, prayer is a way to speak to God. We can speak to God freely, saying “God, I am poor, please bless me financially. My job is difficult, please grant me easy job.” God says, “Are you asking high paid easy job?” “Yes my God!” It is kind of funny prayer.

Once I challenged my father to pray to Jesus. He says, “Fine, I pray to hit lottery. If I hit then I believe.” It is kind of faithless and testing prayer.

Jesus says (James 4:3) When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.

God do not grant us what we ask because it is no good for us.

Doubtful Sunday

Today is Sunday. I am going to church every Sunday. Still lie on the bed, I found meaningless going to church singing, praying without faith, listen to God word which is always challenging me to do this and that. God grace and love are long forgotten. I do not feel the love of God. Simply feel that God is away from me. I try to call to God and pray to Him. But seem like he is not around.

Then I wake up. After that I go to church routinely. Singing for God. In the midst of praise and worship, I do feel the presence of God but anything to do with me? I do believe there is a God. I believe Jesus is God and he resurrect from death and rise to heaven. Finally, He will come to judge us and save us from eternal death. But who care? What is good of heaven? What is bad of hell?

It is very simple as I found out in the bible about hell. (Revelation 21:8) But the cowardly, unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars – their place will be in the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death.

It is nothing special not only a lake for those unbelieving. The special thing is this lake is burning which can destroy spirit and sole. It is eternal destruction. It is really going to nothing, no more U turn, no more chance, simply no more. Before, I thought it is eternal suffering. If it is eternal suffering, then it is no so bad since I think I will adapt to it after a while. But it is not the case. The destiny is eternal destruction. The good news is we can choose to believe in Jesus and escape this terrible destiny.

Birthday

May 18 is my birthday. In the middle of the night, I am wake up to enjoy birthday song and cake. The feeling of blowing the birthday cake had long forgotten. Thank to my girlfriend who bought me the cake. Early in the morning, my colleagues come to greet me happy birthday. I am so embarrass to be under spotlight. In fact, I am a rather low profile people, feel weird under focus. However, I really enjoy their warm greeting. They treat me a wonderful lunch together. We have a great time together in a restaurant. Thank you very much my lovely colleagues. After work time, my girlfriend treat me dinner. We go to a Thai restaurant having a satisfied steamboat buffet. It is great. Thanks again to my girlfriend. Besides my family bought me a book. I like reading and feel happy to get a book. Simple people enjoys simple happiness. I have a great birthday always. Last year, I have a lot of gift and a huge birthday party in Australia. I should thanks God for this. Last but not least thank to my mother who give birth to me on this day. Mother have to suffer great pain for long hours to give birth not only suffer for childbearing. Thanks you my mother, she probably not reading this because she do not use computer before and not good in English. But she is greatest mother in my mind.

(Psalms 71:6-9) From birth I have relied on you; you brought me forth from my mother's womb. I will ever praise you. I have become like a portent to many, but you are my strong refuge. My mouth is filled with your praise, declaring your splendor all day long. Do not cast me away when I am old; do not forsake me when my strength is gone.

May Jesus leads me and guide me in my life. He is my Lord and my refuge whenever I am tired.

Comic

I am a comic addict. I read comic almost daily. Recently, I read a comic depict story of a samurai in Japan. The background is around 17th century. After a national revolution, law is not fully enforced. People fight against each other for own benefits. The main character is a samurai who killed a lot of people during the revolution to build a new government. He decides not to kill a single people anymore, but to protect people around him. He risks his life to protect people. Time by time, he is pondered by his murder sin, but he is able to overcome and stand up to continue protect people around him.

Though it is just a comic. It really challenge me. Do I really love people around me? Do I understand, concern, comfort, encourage and love people around me? I do not know about you. Most of the time, I give myself excuse of busy working, short of time and tiredness. Obviously, it is not the right way.

(Galatians 5:14) The entire law is summed up in a single command: “Love your neighbors as yourself.”

(1 Corinthians 13:4) Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is nor easily angered, it keeps no record of wrong. Love does not delight in evil but rejoice with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.