Perseverance

It has been 4 months I have not blog. I have married a wonderful wife on 2nd June 2007. I am planning to buy a house. Though my budget is very tight, I would like to buy the house to prepare for a family.

I would like to continue my daily spiritual journal here. I am on half day leave now and I am alone at home so this is the best moment for me to concentrate on Jesus.

People keep forwarding email, I just receive an email from one of my church fellow. This email remind me of being persevere. I knew that Christian need to be persevere but not very sure of the purpose. This email share of (James 1:2-4) Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of any kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. The mathematical formula is:

perseverance = mature + complete + not lacking anything

From my understand, if I persevere on all testing, I will be mature, complete and not lacking anything. Is this worth for me to persevere all the time? I have not choice because of the following mathematical formula

not perseverance = immature + incomplete + lacking everything

The Daily Bread

(John 6:35-40) Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty. But as I told you, you have seen me and still you do not believe. All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never drive away. For I have come down from heaven not to do my will but to do the will of him who sent me. And this is the will of him who sent me, that I shall lose none of all that he has given me, but raise them up at the last day. For my Father's will is that everyone who looks to the Son and believes in him shall have eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day."

Jesus said something bold again. He is the bread of life, whoever comes to him will never go hungry or thirsty. The way I comes to him is through bible reading, listen to sermon, praying (this is the least often), and fellow shipping with brothers and sisters in Christ. My experience is the often I did all these, the more energetic am I. On the other hand, whenever I focus on something else for a long period of time I felt weary and tired physically and spiritually.

Jesus said he will never drive anyone away whoever come to him. This is so good that at least we can able to draw energy from him. And he too want to raise whoever comes to him at the last day, and give eternal life. Is Jesus saying, whoever comes to him will not be driven away but will be refresh everyday and given eternal life at the end of the day? I think so. How to come to Jesus, then? For me, I join church, believe Jesus as what Jesus himself claim, trying to know more about him, and trying to follow whatever he said. It is seriously different

The foundation of My Little Faith

All the while, I thought I am the one who allowed God to give me salvation. What a pride man am I? What a wrong concept. And I thought I will have eternal life being a superficial Christian without serving God.

All these thought have been wronged. In fact I do not even deserve any forgiveness not to say salvation. It is not I allowed God to give me salvation, it should be God allowed me to accept his salvation when I was not deserved.

Another thing is after I believe in Jesus, I should live my life following Jesus teaching. Or I am merely superficial Christian talking or acting as a Christian instead of truly living as a Christian. My dear reader, living as a Christian is not easy in fact it is very hard. The standard is so high that give me picture which is unreachable. If Jesus set a rule that whoever reach his standard only eligible for heaven, I am definitely out of the list. That is why Jesus said, "Just try your best I will not evaluate your performance, I will evaluate your motive. Please live to glorify me instead of for your own salvation."

God so Love the World

Some interesting discussion has been taking place in my Christian group recently. We discuss about predestination which means God choose saved people before hand.

Initially I cannot accept this as God is so bias. But eventually I found I am not in the position to doubt God and questioning him. God is always in control. He love all the people more than I did. I should not doubt at all. I am a little pride thinking I am saved because I choose to be saved. However the fact is Jesus die for my sin at the very first only then I have the option to choose to believe in him. If Jesus did not have the initiative to die for my sin, I have no choice to be saved.

Back to the question, are God bias to certain people? Do not ask or doubt, that is not my concern as God love all people much more than I did. What a busy body am I asking for human kind. ^_^

Escaping Judgment

My faith on God is fading away, but I still reading Bible. Deep in my heart, I still want to become a Christian. My situation is a bit worrying. I do not like to attend church activity and do not like to pray or read Bible. I complain about life all the time. It seems that it is time for me to forsake God.

Even in this critical condition of mine, God harshly question me, “What is your motivation to be a Christian?” All the while, I thought being a Christian is getting salvation from God. I am wrong from today Bible reading. Christianity is not only about salvation of after death, it is about life changing now on earth too. Expecting to just go to heaven after death is wrong. I have to change my way of living. There are 3 key points here from John The Baptist, sharing what I have, do not cheat, and be content.

Haha, I thought I can just go to heaven for sure. Sad.

(Luke 3:7-9) John said to the crowds coming out to be baptized by him, "You brood of vipers! Who warned you to flee from the coming wrath? Produce fruit in keeping with repentance. And do not begin to say to yourselves, 'We have Abraham as our father.' For I tell you that out of these stones God can raise up children for Abraham. The ax is already at the root of the trees, and every tree that does not produce good fruit will be cut down and thrown into the fire."

Renewed Spirit

I am pretty down couple of day before this. My church just organize a bible conference titled "Renewed Church". The conference is targeted city working adult as most of us feel exhausted working in such fast pace environment. I went to the first 2 sessions of the conference after work and fall asleep because too tired working. The voice of the preacher is strong and loud but that did not wake me up. During the praise and worship session, I was just grabbing my hand for the sake of don't stumble people around me. My heart is not focus on God at all.

After all, God still able to touch me. The experience is hard to describe. I pick up my girlfriend bible and continue my bible reading plan after pause for almost a month. There is no magic. I still feel down and frustrated. The content of the bible I was reading did no magic too, it is about the birth of Christ.

Belief it or not, I felt a bit better and relief now. There is a small voice (without volume) that telling me, no worry, nothing is too bad. For your information, I just have a 20 minutes cry couple of day before. That is the longest since the death of my grandfather in 1988. Ha ha, I feel relief and comfort after reading bible here and there. ^_^

Can I Stop?

Life is really boring, discouraging and frustrating. How can I loss my passion on my life? I have no motivation to do anything. Just minute before, I got to know someone is reading my blog, so I log in and try to write something.

Life has been boring for me. Live everyday the same without my own control. I am told to do everything I need to do. Actually, I think I am a creative and spontaneous person but my environment just do not allow me on this. I am running my life based on schedule. My life schedule is so full, hardly can stop and take a break. Can I stop? I really tire of living like this. I am tried of blogging too.