My Parents' Life

My parents are having vacation at one of the famous island in Malaysia - Redang island. Everytime they are going for vacation, if not a family trip, I will be operating their hardware retailer shop. As usual, I am operating the shop last weekend. This is one of the way to show my love to them.

Early in the morning, I have breakfast with my 2 younger sisters. They are helping me to operate the shop. They are really help to operate the kitchen as what my mother normally do. Then I read newspaper. Ocassionally when customer come in, I serves them. Stock up when necessary. Receive goods from supplier. It is more or less a routine task over time.

In these 2 days of weekend, I am thinking what if I do this for 20 years as what my father did. What motivate my parents to do this over and over again over more than 20 years? I guess because of 4 children to feed. Now, 2 of us are able to survive ourselves. Only my 2 younger sisters are still depends on them. Their burden is lighter now. Once I asked my father, what do you see your life? He said, "I am a business man. I do not break the laws. I manage a business and a family well." I triggered him about life after death. He said, "That is not my business." I asked him about his sin, which consider an offence in a trandisional chinese culture. My open-minded father give me tons of excuses which are too long to list here.

Eventually, God will definitely judge my parents on their standard. I should prevent this to happen. I definitely want my parents to be saved.

(Mark 5:19) Jesus did not let him, but said, "Go home to your family and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you."

Lost Sheep

One of my brother in Christ remind me of acknowledge God in everything that I do. My language of command is not so good, so I ask him of the meaning. It means knowing that God is watch over us and have authority over us all the time. As a christian, we have to know his existence and responsible to him.

What if I don't? It is very different. I try it before. I try it recently. If I do not acknowledge God, I will do everything as I like. God teach me to love my neighbor; I do not think my neighbor is lovely, so I do not bother at all. God teach me not to do bad things; I do all sort of bad things. I cannot tell you what is that, because I want to gain people respect. This is nonsense. According the Jesus standard, (Matthew 5:28) But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. That is so striking when I first read this verse from bible. If I do not having Jesus Christ in mind in my life, my life is a mess. It is just going wrong.

Compare this to having Jesus Christ in mind to guide my life. It is still a mess, but it is adjusting to the right way slowly. For your information, my progress really slow, I hope it does not stop though. I have some different god previously other than Jesus. All those teaching is really the best, but the problem is it is just a condemnation for me. It is like a finger pointing at you saying, “You are not doing this right thing, you are doing bad thing again, again and again! You are a mess!! You are really bad!!!”

Surprisingly, Jesus say the same thing to me too, “You are not doing this right thing, you are doing bad thing again, again and again! You are a mess!! You are really bad!!! But I forgive you and want to bring you eternal life with me.”

I accepted the offer. Some says it is free, but it is going to cost you your life. Is it like a slave? It actually is, but this master is better. He says, (Jeremiah 29:11) For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Mathematically, our life is maximum 100 years, eternal life is infinity. 100 years for infinity year(s). It is quite a good deal. I accepted the offer but not paying the price yet. I want to.

Church Visitor

I went to church for Sunday service this morning. Since I skip 3 Sunday services because of father's birthday and sister's graduation, people in the church treat me as a new visitor. One of the brother come to me and introduce himself. He ask me about myself too. He is a very friendly.

Out of a sudden, a brother who know me longer came to me and ask me to take care of a new visitor. I manages to practice immediately how to speak to a new visitor. ^_^ The new visitor is a Indian come from India. (Malaysia has around 10% of local born Indian population) The new visitor is able to speak simple English and understand simple English. He understands English better by reading.

I am a very introvert person who very seldom initialize a conversation. I started a conversation with the new visitor. He do not know Jesus at all. He works as a cleaner. He came to Malaysia for 2 years already. I plainly introduce Jesus as Saviour and God to him. During communion and offering session, I also take the opportunity to explain the meaning of communion and offering to him. I am really nervous honestly. Whatever it is God himself who is working. I should not nervous at all.

At the end, I gave him my bible. It is a very good bible given by my shepherd as my birthday gift. I just finish Old Testament recently. I hope God will speak to the Indian visitor and reveal himself through the bible.

(1 Corinthians 3:6-7) I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God made it grow. So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow.

Salvation

Where am I going after I die? Am I recycle to be an animal or human? I do not think so and I do not believe it, it is only imagination of human. Am I just cease to exist then? If this is the case, I can do whatever I want. I do not think I am a good man then. Though externally seem alright. Internally of myself, I really do not think I am good but I think I am worse than average. I choose not to believe I will cease to exist after I die. I feel more meaningful this way, otherwise, life is just a playground. Finally, I confuse. What happen after I die then?

A man claimed that he is God. He is able to bring me to heaven after I die. Heaven is a better place compare to earth. What a crazy man? I also can claim I am able to do that!

He is recorded in history to resurrect after 3 days he die. People give their life to claim that it is true. This guy claim that if he can resurrect from death, he can also resurrect us from death.

OK, let make it clear. If I do not believe in this guy, I will live my life my own way (I do not think I will live my life in a better than average way) . If I believe this guy is able to bring me to heaven afetr I die, I have to follow his ways then. Is there compromise like I live my own way, and you bring me to heaven after I die? What you thinks?

(John 14:6) Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

Backslide

Last couple of day is the dark ages for me. I am living like a non-christian, like a lost sheep without shepherd. I miss Sunday services for a round a month due to a lot of event happen in the past weekend like sister's graduation, father's birthday etc. I do not pray, I do not read bible. I was lost contact with Jesus. My life is without direction. I do not know where I am heading. I do not know the purpose of most of the thing I do in daily life. It's feel like dead man walking.

Thank to people encouragement. I start to read bible. Knowing that depression is a sin, I confess to Jesus in my short prayer since month. Without hope of salvation a common man like me is lost. Whoever feel like this, I would like to introduce a saviour for you, Jesus. He will guide you through your life and as a bonus bring you a even better eternal life. It is true. And it surely make your life different. At least it make mine.

(John 3:16) For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

Sick

It has been too long for me to post here. I have been sick badly in last couple of days. I was having high fever until I lost my mind. My mind just went astray without control. For the first time, I lost control of my mind. The feeling is just like dreaming.

I have taken 2 days leave for medical reason. I just lying in home doing nothing because I am too sick. I have no energy and motivation to do anything. I was wondering am I going to be like this for my life. If I will be sick for my life, how is my life will be? I will be on my own, sicking, dying and wasting my life.

Recently, because of the bad sick. I am thinking of my destiny on earth. What am I doing here? The fellow who give me birth told me to live a finacially stable life. That's it. Is it to simple? Am I here to ensure I am financially stable? So I am here to ensure myself financially stable. Luckily I am not financially stable yet. Otherwise, I am going to lost my destiny. I doubt this is the true answer. But then, what is the true answer? May be let examine why God create me in the first place. What for?