Quality Of Work

I am having a hard time rectify my works. As a programmer, my job is writing computer program's code. If the code is wrong, the program do not work. Program error is called bug. The action to correct the error is called debugging. This is what I spent all of my time recently. Program keep prompting me error all day long. Every time they (bugs) come, I am trying to kill them with all my might, all my power and all my strength. But they seems like suicide bomber, they sacrifice their life for the program completion.

Seriously, this is actually the reflection of my quality of work. I am sad that I produce so many error. Back home, I try to seek comfort from the word of God (Bible). However, Jesus is a faithful God, what he say is not necessary comforting. His word is like a piercing sword.

(1 Corinthians 3:12-15) If any man builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man's work. If what he had built survives, he will receive his reward. If it is burned up, he will suffer loss; he himself will be saved, but only as one escaping through the flames.

(Hebrews 4:12) For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to divide soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.

Initially, I am thinking of complain but Jesus is a righteous judge, I have no way to complain. It is my fault.

Purpose Of Life

During my childhood, my purpose of life was playing and competing. I competed with my peers of all kinds of sport and academic. Because of less competitive in my hometown, I was always on top of the table. It brought some pleasure and praises to me as well as my parents. It is past and meaningless now. This last for eight years.

During my adolescence, my purpose of life became confuse. It is not too competitive. I was influenced by a lot of entertainment. A lot more people appeared in my life. I was not the top anymore, I was stuck in the middle of the table. It didn't really matter to me, what I remember now is tons of entertainment. This is another eight years.

During my early adulthood, my purpose of life became clear and concentrate. I was looking for a life partner. I did all sorts of stupid tricks for this. I really did it with all my heart, all my soul and all my strength. I got one. She introduces Jesus Christ to me. This is another five years.

Now, I have the choices of my purpose of life again. This time is different, there are two choices. The first one is favor by all the people around me. I called it treasure builder. It's function is simple enough, it is making as much money as you can. The second one is prohibited. I called it kingdom builder. It's function is a little bit complicated. It is building kingdom of God. I am doing multiple investment now, part-time treasure builder and part-time kingdom builder. I am having a hard time making this life long decision.

(Matthew 6:24) No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.

Discipline

Once upon a time, a stupid group of people wandering around desert 40 years. They did not work and produce no food. Their God drop manna from heaven like rain everyday. Manna will rotted at the end of the day. So people had no way to store up food. A person could only eat certain amount of manna or he will fall sick. People constantly live in hunger.

4000 years later, a stupid man wandering the same way. He works. His employers pay him salary monthly. Though the money do not rotted but he have no way to save it up. He finishes his salary and refuse to borrow. He occasionally live in hunger. ^_^

(Deuteronomy 8:3-5) He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feed you with manna, which neither you nor your father had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD. Your clothes did not wear out and your feet did not swell during these forty years. Know then in your heart that as a man discipline his son, so the LORD your God disciplines you.

God is paying close attention to me. This is really pressure. He is disciplining me harshly. Come on, Mr Jesus! But may I know how long is this training? I hope it is not 40 years.

Christian Belief

I want to complain; God don't like it.
I want to read comic; God don't like it.
I want to sleep more; God don't like it.
I want to speed; God don't like it.
I want to entertain with illegal multimedia; God don't like it.
I want to die also God don't like it.

I don't want to work; God don't like it.
I don't want to smile; God don't like it.
I don't want to talk; God don't like it.
I don't want to plan; God don't like it.
I want to plan myself; God don't like it.
I am sad; God don't like it.
I am worry; God don't like it.
I am stupid; God don't like it.

He is right here with me. This master really hard to serve. He don't like me at all but he love me. That is the problem. He propose to bring me to heaven even though he hate me. This message was claimedby a guy called Jesus who claimed himself as God. Then his disciples told the world. And one third of the world believe it is true. A simple-minded guy who am me simply believe. "OKOK, Jesus will bring me to heaven."

(1 Corinthians 15:12-19) But if it is preached that Christ has been raised from the dead, how can some of you say that there is no resurrection of the dead? If there is no resurrection of the dead, then not even Christ has been raised. And if Christ has not been raised, our preaching is useless and so is your faith. More than that, we are then found to be false witnesses about God, for we have testified about God that he raised Christ from the dead. But he did not raise him if in fact the dead are not raised. For if the dead are not raised, then Christ has not been raised either. And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile; you are still in your sins. Then those also who have fallen asleep in Christ are lost. If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are to be pitied more than all men.

I definitely meet Jesus after I die. If he bring me to heaven, lucky. Or I will see him in hell and he will say to me, “Hello, play play only.” Let's bet!

Note: I want to complain when I start to write, but end up sharing gospel. I am losing control.

Property Searching

My earthly father asked me to go and look for a property. He will pay the down payment and I will pay the monthly installment and maintenance fee. I drove around a number of property and have a look in it. Besides I went to property fair too, listen to people advice on property buying. Finally I get a most suitable property. My girlfriend and I are fall into new home dream. At night, I called my father and propose to him. He rejected the offer and cut of the funding. He asked me to rent a house instead of buying a new house. I am very disappointed and sad, but I believe my parents know me inside out. Their plan never harm me. I am not able to pay the monthly installment and maintenance fee. My life is locked and suffering with the burden of the sweet home.

(Job 1:20-22) At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship and said: "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised." In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing.

Competition

Grew up in the small rural town, I was always top in the class during my primary school day. People praise me and I am always joyful. From young, I never know the feeling of being the last. Time past, people bottom in the class before grew up. All of them overcome disappointment, sadness, abandonment, loneliness and criticises. They gain success from their works. They are strong in character, humble and persevere.

I grew up joyful, optimistic, and simple minded. Suddenly reliaze that I am the last among all of my friend in every aspect. Life is like a racing game. There are 60 laps in total, I lead for 20 laps and left to the very last started 21 laps. Do you prefer leading or tailing? There are a lot of pressure from behind during leading. There are mountain to climb during tailing. Let remember this moment of tailing and enjoy the excitement of overtake. I am too far behind though.

(Deuteronomy 28:13) The LORD will make you the head, not the tail. If you pay attention to the commands of the LORD your God that I give you this day and carefully follow them, you will always be at the top, never at the bottom.

Zero Saving Rich Man

One day, a zero saving man went to bank to open a saving account. This is because his company wants to standardize payroll system. This man is called zero saving man because he do not manage his finances well. He spent all his salary every months.

This man has the best parents. His father bought him a car and ask him to pay car loan every month. His parents never help him financially for his good. But every time he went back home, his parents will prepare him a lot of food to his working town. This man is a obedient son to his parents. His father propose to buy him a house and ask him to pay house loan every month. This is not a joke, if that happen, this man will never ask for financial aid and parents will be happy to let him bear the burden for his good. His mother ask him to get marry. Zero saving man start to feel the pressure financially. How do a zero saving man getting marry with 2 figures bank balance? His mother propose to borrow money. This is not kidding. Zero saving man will become a negative saving man soon. This is a story of zero saving man with a lovely wife, a house and a cheapest national sport car.

(Jeremiah 29:11) For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I tell you the truth, the zero saving man's parents really said this verse to him although both his parents are not christian. This verse is applicable to his parents in rural as well as his father in heaven.

The Presence of God

One noon, I am bored of programming. So I went out of office during lunch time to have a walk. Over contemplate the verse, (Joshua 1:9) "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." I bring God to comic shop since he say he will be with me wherever I go. On the way, I feel that God is following after me. I am not comfortable with his presence, because I am going to read comic depicting people fighting against each others. I leads God to comic shop and start my comic “devotion”. May be God is bored of comic he went away.

On the way back office, I am searching for God. He is not around. Can you imagine the creator of the world, the ruler of the heaven and earth and the almighty god follow you to comic shop to read comic? As I know him, he is humble but he is awesome too.

Most of the time, God is following behind me. But definitely this is not the way. He should right in front of me and lead me through my life. He is not the follower, I am. May be I should change my position today to walk after him.

(Psalm 23:1-4) The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

Contradiction

Do you ever contradict with people? I believe you do. What is your reaction then? I will stand my point firmly and sometimes upset people. So I learned to stop at some point when people start to get angry, I will stop. This is because I do not yet learned to stand firm without upset people.

Then is that means I will simply agree once people get upset? May be not, I will stop but I am not agree. Actually this way will upset people even more. Imagine you are debating something with someone, at the peak of the debate, the funny someone just stop debate and keep quiet. However, I have no better idea on this. I cannot simply agree. Jesus have the following teaching on this also which I do not understand:

(Matthew 5:25-26) "Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still with him on the way, or he may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison. I tell you the truth, you will not get out until you have paid the last penny.

Can someone help me on this? Am I too stubborn?

Because I strongly believe God's word is always true. I think deeper, after some thought. I think this verse is probably applied when we are wrong. It is wise to settle quickly before the case becomes really serious. So we can bear lighter consequences. What a calculative God!

Helping

After work, I drove to my girlfriend working place to fetch her. While I was waiting in the car, people knocked at my windows. I thought is my girlfriend but she is not. She is a total stranger. I opened my windows, she say she miss the bus, she asked me to fetch her home. I was shocked. It is uncommon in my area, recently newspaper reported a lot of rape and rob case. This brave girl is asking a stranger to fetch her home. My girlfriend came, and we drove her home. My girlfriend implicitly warning her about precaution. Someone say that a girl is harmful too. A girl can take off her clothes and accuse you of sexual harassment. Their aim is money. A girl can just rape a man, I do not believe and do not think so. It is like a joke to me. Who want to rape me anyway? A stranger girl approaching is a miracle to me. Someone say people can just leads you to a preset trap and rob you. This is possible I believe. And this happen quite often in my place.

Am I wrong to fetch a lonely and little girl home? When I was a child, teacher teach me a Chinese proverb which means “Helping is the source of happiness.” But in the very age, helping really not easy. It take risk and it is challenging. If I am robbed because helping, am I not going to help anymore? Definitely Jesus have some teaching on this, I think I read that but forget. Can somebody help me? But I do very sure one of the Jesus teaching as the following:

(Luke 10:30-37) In reply Jesus said: "A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he fell into the hands of robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him. The next day he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper. “Look after him,” he said, “and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.” "Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?" The expert in the law replied, "The one who had mercy on him." Jesus told him, "Go and do likewise."

Fear

Fear is a terrible feeling which accompany me. I fear a lot of things. Whenever I want to approach people, I fear rejection. Whenever I want to say something, I fear that will expose my foolishness. Whatever I want to do, I just fear about every possible consequences. I am kind of weak mindset person.

In work, I fear to talk. I am so incapable and small. I am fearful until I dare not talk to people. Time goes and eventually I become an island away from continents. What I fear initially to be rejected is happening. Fortunately, the situation is not too bad. A little of courage from God do make a different. I am learning to accept people rejection, correction and criticism. I learned that all this is against my work not me personally. Though it is quite close. (Proverbs 12:14) From the fruit of his lips a man is filled with good things as surely as the work of his hands rewards him.

In house, I fear to face people. I am so irrelevant. It is just wrong for whatever I say or do. I do not even rest myself in the house. I am still emotionally intense. No wonder I feel so tire even though I sleep long hours. What's wrong with me? I do not know but something different in my life. I totally forget about devotion and prayer. It is hard to do it again once stop. I put the first step, God leads me through then. By God's comfort and courage, I become joyful a little. I learn to entertain myself or talk to God. It is just like going crazy. I do not want to bother and fear any more. Gradually, I feel that the atmosphere of the house change little by little. I start to talk with others. Oh, that is me who make the atmosphere in the house tense. I am so sorry. (Jeremiah 31:4) I will build you up again and you will be rebuilt, O Virgin Israel. Again you will take up your tambourines and go out to dance with the joyful.

In church, I fear to face people too. I am going to a church where nobody know me. I can just disappear. Nobody will know who am I. Too, I seldom talk to people. In fact I do not talk to people unless people come to talk to me. I appear during Sunday service, care group and some event. Right after every event, I disappear. I am a church goer. By faith to God, I continue to go to church, listen to sermon, fellowship with brother and sister in church to encourage one another. I am forced to speak in care group sometimes. My command of language is really bad, my talking is not organized and basically it is a mess. People hardly understand me I believe. Anyway, just do it. Deep in my heart I feel and fear shame. (Exodus 4:10-12) Moses said to the LORD, "O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue." The LORD said to him, "Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the LORD? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say."

I draw myself a conclusion, I am fear of people in everywhere. But...... (Joshua 1:9) Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."