Blessed Broke Man

After a period of depression and worry, what I am worrying finally come true. I run out of cash for the first time in my life. It is not as bad as I imagine. I am still alive. The earth is still rotating. My life is still full of joy because I have a girlfriend who is willing to suffer together with me. She is willing to share her money with me. However, at the same time, she was broken too. Then I have my burden back. The process of transferring burden back and forth actually reduce the burden a little each time. So we are playing the game of give and take every day.

My parent told me that we were live in negative cash balance for around 2 years when I was young. I never known because I was well taken care of though they were suffering. In fact at the period of difficulty, my youngest sister was on the way to earth. My case seem so small compare to theirs.

My colleagues are wonderful too. They bring me a lot of joy in my working life. My working life is not suffering with a group of wonderful colleagues.

I have all the wonderful people around me. Besides, I have Jesus as my God who is quite happy nowadays. He is not happy always, sometimes I feel he is sad because of me, but most of the time he is angry against me. I wish him a good day. Good day for everyone who are reading.

How To Become A Faithful Servant

My problem is I do not want to become a servant at all, I want to become a master. End of the story. However the definition of master and servant is sometimes ambiguous. Is the servant serving the master or the master serving the servant? My opinion is both are true. Both servant and master are serving one another. At the end, everybody is servant to other people. At the very least, people are serving themselves.

Then, how to become a faithful servant? The first step in my procedure is identify my master. Who and what is my master? All things, all people, all gods, all spirits, all ambitions can be the master. This confuses me again, this is too complicated for me. Why not make it simple, what is the ultimate master?

The second step is define my master. What or who is my master? Let talk about money. What is money? Single penny is money, trillion of penny is money. Either controlling myself is power or controlling a nation of people is power.

The third step is know how to serve. I am sorry to say that I do not know how to serve various master. But I have a stupid way that apply to all master. Please try with your own responsibility. “Learn from mistake.”

The last step is to serve my master with wholeheartedly with all my soul, with all my mind, with all my strength. This also apply to all master. The conclusion is the last step. Below is a sub-topic.

My master is Jesus Christ. He is a strict master. His principle is as below:

(John 15:15) I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.

Eager To Get Rich

In this highly competitive society, people are compare against each other. Who drive better car, who own bigger house, who have greater spending power. All this is the standard to evaluate a person success. I am not exempted, I want all this things too. I want to get rich and posses all these luxury material.

Then as a christian, I started to pray to the creator of all these things who is the ultimate owner. I prayed, “I want this and that. I know you are not going to give me now. I cannot wait. I am going to get it my way. Anyway, what do you think?” I am on fire to get rich immediately, but I would like to know what is Jesus advice on this. I guess he is not going to agree with me. I know Jesus quite well. What do you think his answer is?

Jesus asked, “Are you envy?”
I answered, “Good night my Lord.”

(Proverbs 28:19-22) He who works his land will have abundant food, but the one who chases fantasies will have his fill of poverty. A faithful man will be richly blessed, but one eager to get rich will not go unpunished. To show partiality is not good, yet a man will do wrong for a piece of bread. A stingy man is eager to get rich and is unaware that poverty awaits him.

Self Evaluation

I am going to commit suicide. No, I am kidding. But I want to evaluate my role on earth.

As a christian, I rate myself 70%. I believe Jesus and follow his command as long as I can. But I do commit sin occasionally either visible or hidden. I do not know how is going to be on the Judgment Day. I should cut my sin by controlling myself.

As a boyfriend, I rate myself 70% too. I love my girlfriend. But sometimes when I fail to control my depression, I was rude to her. I should control my emotion better especially during the time when I was physically tire.

As a son, I rate myself 70% too. I love my parents and respect them all the time. But I spend too little time with them and make them worry of me. I should be stable and independent to cease their worry.

As a programmer, I rate myself 60%. I am bad in working and communicating. Actually I do not know what is good here, still 60% is given to my hard work.

As a brother in church, I rate myself 50%. I do attend some gathering and contribute as long as I can. But I really do not commit myself on it.

As a friend, I rate myself 40%. I do maintain complete set of contact of my friends. But that is merely record because I seldom contact them. I miss most of them actually.

As a brother, I rate myself 60%. I am not a good and caring brother from young. But I am improving since Christ as I feel. I start to ask and care of my three lovely sisters more. I should keep this up.

Isn't it a life long role playing? Who am I? I am all the above mentioned. It is not complicated but it is really challenging to get 100% for all roles. How is God going to rate me on the Judgment Day?

Silence God

Christian believe God is omnipresence. God is just here with me but he is keeping silence most of the time, actually it is all time unless I put the initiative to speak to Him. Even I speak to Him, most of the time he is keeping silence too. That is so boring. What is that, my God? Are you abandon me?

Faithful Christian do not complain because they believe all things are good. Wherever suffering happened, faithful Christian must rejoice. This is because suffering produces perseverance, perseverance produces character, character produces hope. In short, suffering produces hope. English is not my first language, "Suffering produces hope" really confuses me. I am totally confused here. What I know is suffering produces distress.

All disasters happened on earth. People are suffering. God is still silence. This is what we called omnipotent God. He can choose to keep silence. Because he is the ultimate authority and power. But I pray to you (God) that you (God) deliver every single one of us as human from the evil one. And do not forget to give us today our daily bread.

Busyness In Life

Last week, my work is tested by fire. Though it is simple programming task. My work produce a lot of errors. The project is delayed, so the whole project team had to work over time to get it done. All of us cancel our appointment. I do not really have appointment. The only thing affect me is stop writing here temporarily.

All team member stay until late at work. We were solving problem whole day. People become friendly and kind when there have a common goal. I see the unity developed in the team. People is helping each others and encourage each others. Though under due date pressure, good things happen, people become closer and truth and friendship start to grow. This happen when people start to show emotional face against each other. When one of the team member show sad face, others come and offer help or encouragement. When one of the team member solve a problem successfully, others come and rejoice. During the time when we were going to back home, though tiring, people still smiling. All this only happen at night. This really brought me a lot of happiness. Special thanks to my project members. They are really marvelous.

Project overdue is bad but God bring good thing out of bad situation. (Romans 8:28) And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.