Vision

I have a vision. There are an open field. In the field, there are a lot of sheep. Some are brown, some are white. Most of them wandering around without shepherd. There are a few shepherd around. Some sheep gather around this shepherds. I see a swarm of white and brown sheep gather around a shepherd. Some of them talk to sheep outside the swarm, asking them to join the swarm. Some of them talk to sheep outside the swarm and leave the swarm. Some of the sheep gather together and follow the shepherd closely. Some of the sheep help the shepherd organize and leads a smaller number of other sheep. All of them busy around. The shepherd look after his sheep closely and nurture them well. He is leading his sheep to a green pastures. Sometimes they go pass a dark valley, but the sheep do not afraid. They just follow the shepherd closely. The sheep feel very secure with the shepherd presence.

(Psalms 23) The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me besides quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the day of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Sick

Yesterday morning is like usual working morning. Amazingly my task have a profound break through. But just minute after that I found myself not feeling well. I had headache and started to fever. I quickly cleaned up my task to be deliverable, and requested for a sick leave from my superior. All in a sudden, I could not even drive. My girlfriend drove me to clinic and back home. I was totally off. Doctor granted me 2 days medical leave, so I have a day off today. My girlfriend looks after me very well. She called up my mother and learn to lower my body temperature by ice. It is very effective. My mother was very worried because I have somnambulism when I was fever. I do not this time. Today I feel better. Tomorrow I can work again. My schedule is left behind even more. (Job 5:18) For he wounds, but he also binds up; he injures, but his hands also heal.

Daily Task

Most of my working hour spend to solve computer programming problem. Problem by problem, it will never end. It is like a cycle, research, plan, design and implement, then research, plan, design and implement. My schedule is lagging behind. I have a little stress on it. It should not be like that. I think I spend too much time researching. Like the bible states (Ecclesiastes 5:7) Much dreaming and many words are meaningless. I cannot do the same thing and expect different result. I have to schedule my time to start tangible work instead of pointless researching.

Funny Prayer

After 4 months, finally I finish reading a book with the title “A book of Prayer”. It is a book about prayer obviously. I learn a lot of purposes and ways of prayer. As a summary, prayer is a way to speak to God. We can speak to God freely, saying “God, I am poor, please bless me financially. My job is difficult, please grant me easy job.” God says, “Are you asking high paid easy job?” “Yes my God!” It is kind of funny prayer.

Once I challenged my father to pray to Jesus. He says, “Fine, I pray to hit lottery. If I hit then I believe.” It is kind of faithless and testing prayer.

Jesus says (James 4:3) When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.

God do not grant us what we ask because it is no good for us.

Doubtful Sunday

Today is Sunday. I am going to church every Sunday. Still lie on the bed, I found meaningless going to church singing, praying without faith, listen to God word which is always challenging me to do this and that. God grace and love are long forgotten. I do not feel the love of God. Simply feel that God is away from me. I try to call to God and pray to Him. But seem like he is not around.

Then I wake up. After that I go to church routinely. Singing for God. In the midst of praise and worship, I do feel the presence of God but anything to do with me? I do believe there is a God. I believe Jesus is God and he resurrect from death and rise to heaven. Finally, He will come to judge us and save us from eternal death. But who care? What is good of heaven? What is bad of hell?

It is very simple as I found out in the bible about hell. (Revelation 21:8) But the cowardly, unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars – their place will be in the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death.

It is nothing special not only a lake for those unbelieving. The special thing is this lake is burning which can destroy spirit and sole. It is eternal destruction. It is really going to nothing, no more U turn, no more chance, simply no more. Before, I thought it is eternal suffering. If it is eternal suffering, then it is no so bad since I think I will adapt to it after a while. But it is not the case. The destiny is eternal destruction. The good news is we can choose to believe in Jesus and escape this terrible destiny.

Birthday

May 18 is my birthday. In the middle of the night, I am wake up to enjoy birthday song and cake. The feeling of blowing the birthday cake had long forgotten. Thank to my girlfriend who bought me the cake. Early in the morning, my colleagues come to greet me happy birthday. I am so embarrass to be under spotlight. In fact, I am a rather low profile people, feel weird under focus. However, I really enjoy their warm greeting. They treat me a wonderful lunch together. We have a great time together in a restaurant. Thank you very much my lovely colleagues. After work time, my girlfriend treat me dinner. We go to a Thai restaurant having a satisfied steamboat buffet. It is great. Thanks again to my girlfriend. Besides my family bought me a book. I like reading and feel happy to get a book. Simple people enjoys simple happiness. I have a great birthday always. Last year, I have a lot of gift and a huge birthday party in Australia. I should thanks God for this. Last but not least thank to my mother who give birth to me on this day. Mother have to suffer great pain for long hours to give birth not only suffer for childbearing. Thanks you my mother, she probably not reading this because she do not use computer before and not good in English. But she is greatest mother in my mind.

(Psalms 71:6-9) From birth I have relied on you; you brought me forth from my mother's womb. I will ever praise you. I have become like a portent to many, but you are my strong refuge. My mouth is filled with your praise, declaring your splendor all day long. Do not cast me away when I am old; do not forsake me when my strength is gone.

May Jesus leads me and guide me in my life. He is my Lord and my refuge whenever I am tired.

Comic

I am a comic addict. I read comic almost daily. Recently, I read a comic depict story of a samurai in Japan. The background is around 17th century. After a national revolution, law is not fully enforced. People fight against each other for own benefits. The main character is a samurai who killed a lot of people during the revolution to build a new government. He decides not to kill a single people anymore, but to protect people around him. He risks his life to protect people. Time by time, he is pondered by his murder sin, but he is able to overcome and stand up to continue protect people around him.

Though it is just a comic. It really challenge me. Do I really love people around me? Do I understand, concern, comfort, encourage and love people around me? I do not know about you. Most of the time, I give myself excuse of busy working, short of time and tiredness. Obviously, it is not the right way.

(Galatians 5:14) The entire law is summed up in a single command: “Love your neighbors as yourself.”

(1 Corinthians 13:4) Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is nor easily angered, it keeps no record of wrong. Love does not delight in evil but rejoice with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Sister

My sister move to my place and stay with me. I am really happy about that. I have three younger lovely sisters. I love them very much. However, from my childhood, I am playing away my house most of the time. I really do not bother at all my sisters. They are taking care very well of my parents. I do not really understand them. After that, I study away from home. Since I have not keep in touch with my sisters at all. Next, I even flew oversea to further my study for 2 years. In this 2 years, I start to miss my sisters and want to love them more. I wrote to them and buy gift for them. After come back from oversea, I start to ask them about their life. Now, my first sister move to my place, I am taking care of her. I want to give her a comfortable life as home. The most important thing is I want to introduce my Lord to her though she is a Buddhist. I want her to be able to have eternal life. However, she is quite reluctant.

(Mark 5:19) Jesus did not let him, but said, “Go home to your family and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you.”

(1 Timothy 5:8) If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

(Genesis 7:1) The Lord then said to Noah, “Go into the ark, you and your whole family, because I have found you righteous in this generation.

Renewal

Before I become a Christian, my life is a mess and my mind is corrupted. I have lust thought. Besides, I am thinking of fighting and a lot of violence thought come along my mind. I always angry and want to fight and defeat people. Though it is only imagination. Somehow I know I shouldn't do it. Sometimes, I even imagine the techniques and action to hit people. My mind is full of violence. It should be come from media like movies, dramas, novels and comics. Nothing wrong, I am not accountable to anyone. I can do what I like.

After I become a Christian, I realizes that all these things is evil. I have to get rid of all these things. Do I? In progress. Roman is not built in a day. I have to responsible to my God Jesus Christ. I should not easy to anger and rage. And I should not malice against anyone but love everyone. The one important aspect is filthy language, unfortunately I am used to this.

As bible says, (Colossians 3:5-11) Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immortality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.

Working in failure

I am a programmer, program all day until evening. Most of the time, it is failure and errors in my program. I have to fix it. That is the value of my job. Most of the time, programmer live in failure and disappointment because of software failure. We are called analyst programmer because our job is to analyze problem and find solution of it. A little bug (programming problem) ponder me for week. I try many many way to fix it but somehow it persists. Sometimes, the bug seem tired of fighting with me and give me some positive response. After that, it comes again. It is really playing around with me. Give me hope and destroy it. I am clam though. -_-

(Proverbs 14:23) All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty.

(Psalms 128:2) You will eat the fruit of your labor; blessings and prosperity will be yours.

But my hard work brings me a bug, mere fail leads only to vain. I am eating the fruit of my labor, though bugs and dateline looks after me. I tell you the truth, I gain most when I am in war against all these buggies.

Sin ~ Repent ~ Forgiven

(Psalm 32:1-5) Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord does not count against him and in whose spirit is no deceit. When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer. Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord” - and you forgave the guilt of my sin.

Note: Thank you for those who comment here. Your comment really make a difference and it is a great encouragement for me. Thank you very much. May God bless you and give abundant life to you.

Generosity

How poor you ever been? I am blessed because my poverty level is above average. Though in debt, I am able to pay back legally and regularly. Though have no nice food, I am never hungry. Though have no new clothes, I am able to suit my dressing with situation. Though old and rented, I have a shelter to live in. Though I have no saving at all, I have no financial trouble too. Though people around me is better than me materially, my life is blessed and sustained. Initially, I would like to share my financial problem but end up discover my life is actually blessed. Currently, I have no cash but my salary is coming tomorrow. Isn't it amazing? Am I not a excellent financial planner? ^_^

God's word says, (2 Corinthians 8:2-3) Out of the most severe trial, their overflowing joy and their extreme poverty welled up rich generosity. For I testify that they gave as much as they were able, and even beyond their ability. Entirely on their own.

I am challenged now. How are we going to give even beyond our ability? Isn't it impossible? I have no idea. Anyone can help me here? How do I give if I do not have? I feel it is not logical. Someone please help me!!! Thank you first for your help. It will surely help me. Thank you.

Rich

I am neither rich nor poor. I can sustain my life merely. Sometimes I do think of make more money. What should I do to make more money? Most of my friends have their own way of making money. They are working 2 jobs at the same time. I admire them, they make more money than I do. By my community's value, I am considered a loser of the world. I honor my job as a programmer. I put my effort to work on it. Though trivial, I play a role in my company. I serves a purpose there. I am happy on it.

In the bible, (Proverbs 23:4-5) Do not wear yourself out to get rich; have the wisdom to show restraint. Cast but a glance at riches, and they are gone, for they will surely sprout wings and fly off to the sky like an eagle.

Riches no doubt is temporary. On the other hand, I am sick of wearying of my financial problem. It will all gone finally. I rather spend my time and effort on other things like writing something like this. ^_^

Submissions to Masters

I am a programmer. As every programmer, I have a boss. He is good and considerate. He is very good in programming. Though I have been a programmer for 7 months. In the first 3-4 months, I considers my performance and contribution below average. However, thanks to my considerate boss, I am granted a job.

The bible says, (1 Peter 2:18) Slaves, submit yourselves to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and considerate, but also to those who are harsh.

I respect my boss most. However, my mouth is bad. A lot of ignorance word always come out from my mouth. Sometimes, I do say non-sense when I am familiar with someone. It is bad. I am sorry to those who I speak to with bad words. I want to guide my mouth. I want to show respect not only to my superior but also to my colleagues, friends, family members and everyone no matter younger or elder. Please remind me on this, my Lord Jesus Christ.

Noble Wife

Man, who is your future life partner? Who are going to stay your side for your life? I have a girlfriend. She is a good girl. She help me a lot in my daily life. I really appreciate her in my life. She always asked me, “Am I pretty?” I smiles but do not answers. She continues to asked, “What make you love me then? Don't you love me because I am pretty?” I answered, “Beauty is temporarily.” Then she smiled.

She is the one who brings me to Jesus Christ. This is the biggest present I have ever received. She always pray and renew herself daily in spirit. She is kind and willing to help people in needs. She is hardworking and good in cooking. I am blessed to meet her.

As bible says, (Proverbs 31:29-31) “Many woman do noble things, but you surpass them all.” Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.