Visit to Orphanage

I went to an orphanage with my church members. The children there are happy. We went there with some stationary as gift and sing song and play game with them. They are very friendly to stranger as us. I feel they desire being loved very much as they like to lie on our body during game session.

I saw a big scar on the leg of one of the child. Probably it is a mark of abuse. Thanks to the hard work of the orphanage worker, the children though abused before, now live happily and healthy.

During the time when we were going to leave, one of the child is sad to leave. She keep hugging every one of us, and waving when we leave. I really feel like to come visit them regularly to accompany them for their childhood. I do tell some of them Jesus love them, but can I show them what I said?

(Matthew 25:40) The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

Renewal Badminton Session

Last Tuesday I went to play badminton with my colleague. It is really a wonderful badminton session. I win most of the game and very motivated to win. This is unusual for me. Normally, I take everything easy. Winning or losing does not make any different to me. That is the reason I am always the loser. And this make my life miserable. The consequence of this attitude is loss hope, because I do not hope at all.

It is just a badminton session trigger my inner desire to be a victor. The feeling of victory are so wonderful that I miss for many years. The second lesson learned is victory only come with some tactic.

(Isaiah 57:10) You were wearied by all your ways, but you would not say, 'It is hopeless.' You found renewal of your strength, and so you did not faint.

The Door of Heaven

My friend's father just passed away because of cancer. This triggered me of my father too. My father is the one provides to my need since the first day I came to the world. He does not talk to me much but he is the most influential person in my life. He is a sacrificial father willing to sacrifice himself for the family. He is a faithful husband to my mother. He is a respectful son to my grandparents. He is a loving brother to my uncle and aunt. He is a trustful friend. He is a not so cunning business man. But he is not a christian. He jokingly said, “If heaven is so real, please open the door of heaven when I knock your door.” I have to find a way to open the door even before he is knocking. Suddenly I realize that I myself is actually the door of heaven to my family.

(Matthew 5:19) Jesus did not let him, but said, “Go home to your family and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you.”

Prayer Without Faith

I do not remember when is the last time I do this, just now I went alone into my room and start mumbling to the air, hoping someone to attend of it. I praise someone because I believe he is going to bring me to heaven one day. Then I start to complaining about everything. At the end I said, “That is alright.” Because I believe it is for my benefit though I do not feel that way. Finally like usual no response, in fact I have not prepare myself for response too because I expect no response. Anyway, I believe someone is receiving my mumbling. This is all of my little faith. It is so small that is likely to disappear anytime.

(Psalm 4:3) Know that the LORD has set apart the godly for himself; the LORD will hear when I call to him.

Purpose Driven Journal

The initial purpose I start this blog site is to testify God's work in my life. Secondly, I like to record my spiritual journal of my walk with God. But when time went, I found myself emphasize of the number of visit to my site. Everyday, I will check the number of people visited my site. This will bring me some satisfaction. It means people are reading my blog. Then I start to consider putting some advertisement in my blog site to generate a little income for myself. As you can tell eventually my blog site will become a commercial blog site full with advertisement.

Finally I go back to basic, my site is not to gain people attention but to testify God's work. It is not to generate income but to keep record of my spiritual journal. It doesn't matter how many people are reading or nobody is reading. I hope my testimony will help people to go through difficulty as I went through; share my happiness and hope people to help me over my doubt by commenting here.

(Philippians 1:6) being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

New Office

My company have moved to a brand new office which is much more better than the old office. I feel exciting to work in the new environment. My desk is bigger and neat. The most important improvement is my desk location which is 5 steps from toilet. I need this because my body digest system is super effective.

Apart, I have to work harder because better environment means better performance to employer. I have to train myself to think like a boss though I am not. The fact is I am lazy to work most of the time. But I have to make some contribution otherwise though my boss do not fire me, I feel boring too.

Other than environment, everything is the same. I am still looking at the same computer screen. I should stop dreaming and get back to work. But the nearer toilet is not a dream!

(1 Thessalonians 5:16-18) Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

Bad Testimony

I was trying to share gospel to a people. I do share gospel to him but he refuse to become a christian simply because christian community in his place give a bad testimony. He told me that it was christian who cheat him; it was christian who gamble and debt badly. Though christian is only human being and subject to doing wrong things, christian were judged with higher expectation compare to non christian. There are no perfect man in the world, everybody is sinning. However, as a christian, we have to live a faithful life or we are condemned. Moreover, the name of Jesus is condemned and block people to become a christian. That is why it is hard to tell people I am a christian. It is like setting higher discipline level for myself and open for condemnation. I hope I am not a hinder for people to become a christian. I hope people remember me as a christian and say “Jesus Christ and Christianity is not bad.” when I die.

(John 8:1-11) But Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, "Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?" They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him. But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground. At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?" "No one, sir," she said. "Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin."

Home Sweet Home

I work in city. Because of long public holiday, I went back my home town where I was grew up for 4 days. Life in my hometown was wonderful. I do not need to worry about anything. No bill to pay, no traffic jam, no need to prepare or buy food. Everything is just in place and well organize by my parents. I am like a prince in my parents home. There are smiley faces from my family member for the whole day. Everybody is taking full care of others. We are sharing everything including tear and joy.

Every morning, we just start working in my father shop. We have breakfast, lunch and dinner together. During evening, everybody relaxing in the living room to watch TV programme together. Only I realize that I do not watch TV at all for the time I stay in city. After spending so many energy watching TV programme, we dine out and enjoy the wonderful food and atmosphere. For me, it is like the representation of heaven and earth. Heaven is our original home. We are working very hard on earth. At the end of the day, we will go back home.

(John 14:1-4) "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going."

Blessed Broke Man

After a period of depression and worry, what I am worrying finally come true. I run out of cash for the first time in my life. It is not as bad as I imagine. I am still alive. The earth is still rotating. My life is still full of joy because I have a girlfriend who is willing to suffer together with me. She is willing to share her money with me. However, at the same time, she was broken too. Then I have my burden back. The process of transferring burden back and forth actually reduce the burden a little each time. So we are playing the game of give and take every day.

My parent told me that we were live in negative cash balance for around 2 years when I was young. I never known because I was well taken care of though they were suffering. In fact at the period of difficulty, my youngest sister was on the way to earth. My case seem so small compare to theirs.

My colleagues are wonderful too. They bring me a lot of joy in my working life. My working life is not suffering with a group of wonderful colleagues.

I have all the wonderful people around me. Besides, I have Jesus as my God who is quite happy nowadays. He is not happy always, sometimes I feel he is sad because of me, but most of the time he is angry against me. I wish him a good day. Good day for everyone who are reading.

How To Become A Faithful Servant

My problem is I do not want to become a servant at all, I want to become a master. End of the story. However the definition of master and servant is sometimes ambiguous. Is the servant serving the master or the master serving the servant? My opinion is both are true. Both servant and master are serving one another. At the end, everybody is servant to other people. At the very least, people are serving themselves.

Then, how to become a faithful servant? The first step in my procedure is identify my master. Who and what is my master? All things, all people, all gods, all spirits, all ambitions can be the master. This confuses me again, this is too complicated for me. Why not make it simple, what is the ultimate master?

The second step is define my master. What or who is my master? Let talk about money. What is money? Single penny is money, trillion of penny is money. Either controlling myself is power or controlling a nation of people is power.

The third step is know how to serve. I am sorry to say that I do not know how to serve various master. But I have a stupid way that apply to all master. Please try with your own responsibility. “Learn from mistake.”

The last step is to serve my master with wholeheartedly with all my soul, with all my mind, with all my strength. This also apply to all master. The conclusion is the last step. Below is a sub-topic.

My master is Jesus Christ. He is a strict master. His principle is as below:

(John 15:15) I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.

Eager To Get Rich

In this highly competitive society, people are compare against each other. Who drive better car, who own bigger house, who have greater spending power. All this is the standard to evaluate a person success. I am not exempted, I want all this things too. I want to get rich and posses all these luxury material.

Then as a christian, I started to pray to the creator of all these things who is the ultimate owner. I prayed, “I want this and that. I know you are not going to give me now. I cannot wait. I am going to get it my way. Anyway, what do you think?” I am on fire to get rich immediately, but I would like to know what is Jesus advice on this. I guess he is not going to agree with me. I know Jesus quite well. What do you think his answer is?

Jesus asked, “Are you envy?”
I answered, “Good night my Lord.”

(Proverbs 28:19-22) He who works his land will have abundant food, but the one who chases fantasies will have his fill of poverty. A faithful man will be richly blessed, but one eager to get rich will not go unpunished. To show partiality is not good, yet a man will do wrong for a piece of bread. A stingy man is eager to get rich and is unaware that poverty awaits him.

Self Evaluation

I am going to commit suicide. No, I am kidding. But I want to evaluate my role on earth.

As a christian, I rate myself 70%. I believe Jesus and follow his command as long as I can. But I do commit sin occasionally either visible or hidden. I do not know how is going to be on the Judgment Day. I should cut my sin by controlling myself.

As a boyfriend, I rate myself 70% too. I love my girlfriend. But sometimes when I fail to control my depression, I was rude to her. I should control my emotion better especially during the time when I was physically tire.

As a son, I rate myself 70% too. I love my parents and respect them all the time. But I spend too little time with them and make them worry of me. I should be stable and independent to cease their worry.

As a programmer, I rate myself 60%. I am bad in working and communicating. Actually I do not know what is good here, still 60% is given to my hard work.

As a brother in church, I rate myself 50%. I do attend some gathering and contribute as long as I can. But I really do not commit myself on it.

As a friend, I rate myself 40%. I do maintain complete set of contact of my friends. But that is merely record because I seldom contact them. I miss most of them actually.

As a brother, I rate myself 60%. I am not a good and caring brother from young. But I am improving since Christ as I feel. I start to ask and care of my three lovely sisters more. I should keep this up.

Isn't it a life long role playing? Who am I? I am all the above mentioned. It is not complicated but it is really challenging to get 100% for all roles. How is God going to rate me on the Judgment Day?

Silence God

Christian believe God is omnipresence. God is just here with me but he is keeping silence most of the time, actually it is all time unless I put the initiative to speak to Him. Even I speak to Him, most of the time he is keeping silence too. That is so boring. What is that, my God? Are you abandon me?

Faithful Christian do not complain because they believe all things are good. Wherever suffering happened, faithful Christian must rejoice. This is because suffering produces perseverance, perseverance produces character, character produces hope. In short, suffering produces hope. English is not my first language, "Suffering produces hope" really confuses me. I am totally confused here. What I know is suffering produces distress.

All disasters happened on earth. People are suffering. God is still silence. This is what we called omnipotent God. He can choose to keep silence. Because he is the ultimate authority and power. But I pray to you (God) that you (God) deliver every single one of us as human from the evil one. And do not forget to give us today our daily bread.

Busyness In Life

Last week, my work is tested by fire. Though it is simple programming task. My work produce a lot of errors. The project is delayed, so the whole project team had to work over time to get it done. All of us cancel our appointment. I do not really have appointment. The only thing affect me is stop writing here temporarily.

All team member stay until late at work. We were solving problem whole day. People become friendly and kind when there have a common goal. I see the unity developed in the team. People is helping each others and encourage each others. Though under due date pressure, good things happen, people become closer and truth and friendship start to grow. This happen when people start to show emotional face against each other. When one of the team member show sad face, others come and offer help or encouragement. When one of the team member solve a problem successfully, others come and rejoice. During the time when we were going to back home, though tiring, people still smiling. All this only happen at night. This really brought me a lot of happiness. Special thanks to my project members. They are really marvelous.

Project overdue is bad but God bring good thing out of bad situation. (Romans 8:28) And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Quality Of Work

I am having a hard time rectify my works. As a programmer, my job is writing computer program's code. If the code is wrong, the program do not work. Program error is called bug. The action to correct the error is called debugging. This is what I spent all of my time recently. Program keep prompting me error all day long. Every time they (bugs) come, I am trying to kill them with all my might, all my power and all my strength. But they seems like suicide bomber, they sacrifice their life for the program completion.

Seriously, this is actually the reflection of my quality of work. I am sad that I produce so many error. Back home, I try to seek comfort from the word of God (Bible). However, Jesus is a faithful God, what he say is not necessary comforting. His word is like a piercing sword.

(1 Corinthians 3:12-15) If any man builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man's work. If what he had built survives, he will receive his reward. If it is burned up, he will suffer loss; he himself will be saved, but only as one escaping through the flames.

(Hebrews 4:12) For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to divide soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.

Initially, I am thinking of complain but Jesus is a righteous judge, I have no way to complain. It is my fault.

Purpose Of Life

During my childhood, my purpose of life was playing and competing. I competed with my peers of all kinds of sport and academic. Because of less competitive in my hometown, I was always on top of the table. It brought some pleasure and praises to me as well as my parents. It is past and meaningless now. This last for eight years.

During my adolescence, my purpose of life became confuse. It is not too competitive. I was influenced by a lot of entertainment. A lot more people appeared in my life. I was not the top anymore, I was stuck in the middle of the table. It didn't really matter to me, what I remember now is tons of entertainment. This is another eight years.

During my early adulthood, my purpose of life became clear and concentrate. I was looking for a life partner. I did all sorts of stupid tricks for this. I really did it with all my heart, all my soul and all my strength. I got one. She introduces Jesus Christ to me. This is another five years.

Now, I have the choices of my purpose of life again. This time is different, there are two choices. The first one is favor by all the people around me. I called it treasure builder. It's function is simple enough, it is making as much money as you can. The second one is prohibited. I called it kingdom builder. It's function is a little bit complicated. It is building kingdom of God. I am doing multiple investment now, part-time treasure builder and part-time kingdom builder. I am having a hard time making this life long decision.

(Matthew 6:24) No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.

Discipline

Once upon a time, a stupid group of people wandering around desert 40 years. They did not work and produce no food. Their God drop manna from heaven like rain everyday. Manna will rotted at the end of the day. So people had no way to store up food. A person could only eat certain amount of manna or he will fall sick. People constantly live in hunger.

4000 years later, a stupid man wandering the same way. He works. His employers pay him salary monthly. Though the money do not rotted but he have no way to save it up. He finishes his salary and refuse to borrow. He occasionally live in hunger. ^_^

(Deuteronomy 8:3-5) He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feed you with manna, which neither you nor your father had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD. Your clothes did not wear out and your feet did not swell during these forty years. Know then in your heart that as a man discipline his son, so the LORD your God disciplines you.

God is paying close attention to me. This is really pressure. He is disciplining me harshly. Come on, Mr Jesus! But may I know how long is this training? I hope it is not 40 years.

Christian Belief

I want to complain; God don't like it.
I want to read comic; God don't like it.
I want to sleep more; God don't like it.
I want to speed; God don't like it.
I want to entertain with illegal multimedia; God don't like it.
I want to die also God don't like it.

I don't want to work; God don't like it.
I don't want to smile; God don't like it.
I don't want to talk; God don't like it.
I don't want to plan; God don't like it.
I want to plan myself; God don't like it.
I am sad; God don't like it.
I am worry; God don't like it.
I am stupid; God don't like it.

He is right here with me. This master really hard to serve. He don't like me at all but he love me. That is the problem. He propose to bring me to heaven even though he hate me. This message was claimedby a guy called Jesus who claimed himself as God. Then his disciples told the world. And one third of the world believe it is true. A simple-minded guy who am me simply believe. "OKOK, Jesus will bring me to heaven."

(1 Corinthians 15:12-19) But if it is preached that Christ has been raised from the dead, how can some of you say that there is no resurrection of the dead? If there is no resurrection of the dead, then not even Christ has been raised. And if Christ has not been raised, our preaching is useless and so is your faith. More than that, we are then found to be false witnesses about God, for we have testified about God that he raised Christ from the dead. But he did not raise him if in fact the dead are not raised. For if the dead are not raised, then Christ has not been raised either. And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile; you are still in your sins. Then those also who have fallen asleep in Christ are lost. If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are to be pitied more than all men.

I definitely meet Jesus after I die. If he bring me to heaven, lucky. Or I will see him in hell and he will say to me, “Hello, play play only.” Let's bet!

Note: I want to complain when I start to write, but end up sharing gospel. I am losing control.

Property Searching

My earthly father asked me to go and look for a property. He will pay the down payment and I will pay the monthly installment and maintenance fee. I drove around a number of property and have a look in it. Besides I went to property fair too, listen to people advice on property buying. Finally I get a most suitable property. My girlfriend and I are fall into new home dream. At night, I called my father and propose to him. He rejected the offer and cut of the funding. He asked me to rent a house instead of buying a new house. I am very disappointed and sad, but I believe my parents know me inside out. Their plan never harm me. I am not able to pay the monthly installment and maintenance fee. My life is locked and suffering with the burden of the sweet home.

(Job 1:20-22) At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship and said: "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised." In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing.

Competition

Grew up in the small rural town, I was always top in the class during my primary school day. People praise me and I am always joyful. From young, I never know the feeling of being the last. Time past, people bottom in the class before grew up. All of them overcome disappointment, sadness, abandonment, loneliness and criticises. They gain success from their works. They are strong in character, humble and persevere.

I grew up joyful, optimistic, and simple minded. Suddenly reliaze that I am the last among all of my friend in every aspect. Life is like a racing game. There are 60 laps in total, I lead for 20 laps and left to the very last started 21 laps. Do you prefer leading or tailing? There are a lot of pressure from behind during leading. There are mountain to climb during tailing. Let remember this moment of tailing and enjoy the excitement of overtake. I am too far behind though.

(Deuteronomy 28:13) The LORD will make you the head, not the tail. If you pay attention to the commands of the LORD your God that I give you this day and carefully follow them, you will always be at the top, never at the bottom.

Zero Saving Rich Man

One day, a zero saving man went to bank to open a saving account. This is because his company wants to standardize payroll system. This man is called zero saving man because he do not manage his finances well. He spent all his salary every months.

This man has the best parents. His father bought him a car and ask him to pay car loan every month. His parents never help him financially for his good. But every time he went back home, his parents will prepare him a lot of food to his working town. This man is a obedient son to his parents. His father propose to buy him a house and ask him to pay house loan every month. This is not a joke, if that happen, this man will never ask for financial aid and parents will be happy to let him bear the burden for his good. His mother ask him to get marry. Zero saving man start to feel the pressure financially. How do a zero saving man getting marry with 2 figures bank balance? His mother propose to borrow money. This is not kidding. Zero saving man will become a negative saving man soon. This is a story of zero saving man with a lovely wife, a house and a cheapest national sport car.

(Jeremiah 29:11) For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I tell you the truth, the zero saving man's parents really said this verse to him although both his parents are not christian. This verse is applicable to his parents in rural as well as his father in heaven.

The Presence of God

One noon, I am bored of programming. So I went out of office during lunch time to have a walk. Over contemplate the verse, (Joshua 1:9) "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." I bring God to comic shop since he say he will be with me wherever I go. On the way, I feel that God is following after me. I am not comfortable with his presence, because I am going to read comic depicting people fighting against each others. I leads God to comic shop and start my comic “devotion”. May be God is bored of comic he went away.

On the way back office, I am searching for God. He is not around. Can you imagine the creator of the world, the ruler of the heaven and earth and the almighty god follow you to comic shop to read comic? As I know him, he is humble but he is awesome too.

Most of the time, God is following behind me. But definitely this is not the way. He should right in front of me and lead me through my life. He is not the follower, I am. May be I should change my position today to walk after him.

(Psalm 23:1-4) The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

Contradiction

Do you ever contradict with people? I believe you do. What is your reaction then? I will stand my point firmly and sometimes upset people. So I learned to stop at some point when people start to get angry, I will stop. This is because I do not yet learned to stand firm without upset people.

Then is that means I will simply agree once people get upset? May be not, I will stop but I am not agree. Actually this way will upset people even more. Imagine you are debating something with someone, at the peak of the debate, the funny someone just stop debate and keep quiet. However, I have no better idea on this. I cannot simply agree. Jesus have the following teaching on this also which I do not understand:

(Matthew 5:25-26) "Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still with him on the way, or he may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison. I tell you the truth, you will not get out until you have paid the last penny.

Can someone help me on this? Am I too stubborn?

Because I strongly believe God's word is always true. I think deeper, after some thought. I think this verse is probably applied when we are wrong. It is wise to settle quickly before the case becomes really serious. So we can bear lighter consequences. What a calculative God!

Helping

After work, I drove to my girlfriend working place to fetch her. While I was waiting in the car, people knocked at my windows. I thought is my girlfriend but she is not. She is a total stranger. I opened my windows, she say she miss the bus, she asked me to fetch her home. I was shocked. It is uncommon in my area, recently newspaper reported a lot of rape and rob case. This brave girl is asking a stranger to fetch her home. My girlfriend came, and we drove her home. My girlfriend implicitly warning her about precaution. Someone say that a girl is harmful too. A girl can take off her clothes and accuse you of sexual harassment. Their aim is money. A girl can just rape a man, I do not believe and do not think so. It is like a joke to me. Who want to rape me anyway? A stranger girl approaching is a miracle to me. Someone say people can just leads you to a preset trap and rob you. This is possible I believe. And this happen quite often in my place.

Am I wrong to fetch a lonely and little girl home? When I was a child, teacher teach me a Chinese proverb which means “Helping is the source of happiness.” But in the very age, helping really not easy. It take risk and it is challenging. If I am robbed because helping, am I not going to help anymore? Definitely Jesus have some teaching on this, I think I read that but forget. Can somebody help me? But I do very sure one of the Jesus teaching as the following:

(Luke 10:30-37) In reply Jesus said: "A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he fell into the hands of robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him. The next day he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper. “Look after him,” he said, “and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.” "Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?" The expert in the law replied, "The one who had mercy on him." Jesus told him, "Go and do likewise."

Fear

Fear is a terrible feeling which accompany me. I fear a lot of things. Whenever I want to approach people, I fear rejection. Whenever I want to say something, I fear that will expose my foolishness. Whatever I want to do, I just fear about every possible consequences. I am kind of weak mindset person.

In work, I fear to talk. I am so incapable and small. I am fearful until I dare not talk to people. Time goes and eventually I become an island away from continents. What I fear initially to be rejected is happening. Fortunately, the situation is not too bad. A little of courage from God do make a different. I am learning to accept people rejection, correction and criticism. I learned that all this is against my work not me personally. Though it is quite close. (Proverbs 12:14) From the fruit of his lips a man is filled with good things as surely as the work of his hands rewards him.

In house, I fear to face people. I am so irrelevant. It is just wrong for whatever I say or do. I do not even rest myself in the house. I am still emotionally intense. No wonder I feel so tire even though I sleep long hours. What's wrong with me? I do not know but something different in my life. I totally forget about devotion and prayer. It is hard to do it again once stop. I put the first step, God leads me through then. By God's comfort and courage, I become joyful a little. I learn to entertain myself or talk to God. It is just like going crazy. I do not want to bother and fear any more. Gradually, I feel that the atmosphere of the house change little by little. I start to talk with others. Oh, that is me who make the atmosphere in the house tense. I am so sorry. (Jeremiah 31:4) I will build you up again and you will be rebuilt, O Virgin Israel. Again you will take up your tambourines and go out to dance with the joyful.

In church, I fear to face people too. I am going to a church where nobody know me. I can just disappear. Nobody will know who am I. Too, I seldom talk to people. In fact I do not talk to people unless people come to talk to me. I appear during Sunday service, care group and some event. Right after every event, I disappear. I am a church goer. By faith to God, I continue to go to church, listen to sermon, fellowship with brother and sister in church to encourage one another. I am forced to speak in care group sometimes. My command of language is really bad, my talking is not organized and basically it is a mess. People hardly understand me I believe. Anyway, just do it. Deep in my heart I feel and fear shame. (Exodus 4:10-12) Moses said to the LORD, "O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue." The LORD said to him, "Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the LORD? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say."

I draw myself a conclusion, I am fear of people in everywhere. But...... (Joshua 1:9) Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

My Parents' Life

My parents are having vacation at one of the famous island in Malaysia - Redang island. Everytime they are going for vacation, if not a family trip, I will be operating their hardware retailer shop. As usual, I am operating the shop last weekend. This is one of the way to show my love to them.

Early in the morning, I have breakfast with my 2 younger sisters. They are helping me to operate the shop. They are really help to operate the kitchen as what my mother normally do. Then I read newspaper. Ocassionally when customer come in, I serves them. Stock up when necessary. Receive goods from supplier. It is more or less a routine task over time.

In these 2 days of weekend, I am thinking what if I do this for 20 years as what my father did. What motivate my parents to do this over and over again over more than 20 years? I guess because of 4 children to feed. Now, 2 of us are able to survive ourselves. Only my 2 younger sisters are still depends on them. Their burden is lighter now. Once I asked my father, what do you see your life? He said, "I am a business man. I do not break the laws. I manage a business and a family well." I triggered him about life after death. He said, "That is not my business." I asked him about his sin, which consider an offence in a trandisional chinese culture. My open-minded father give me tons of excuses which are too long to list here.

Eventually, God will definitely judge my parents on their standard. I should prevent this to happen. I definitely want my parents to be saved.

(Mark 5:19) Jesus did not let him, but said, "Go home to your family and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you."

Lost Sheep

One of my brother in Christ remind me of acknowledge God in everything that I do. My language of command is not so good, so I ask him of the meaning. It means knowing that God is watch over us and have authority over us all the time. As a christian, we have to know his existence and responsible to him.

What if I don't? It is very different. I try it before. I try it recently. If I do not acknowledge God, I will do everything as I like. God teach me to love my neighbor; I do not think my neighbor is lovely, so I do not bother at all. God teach me not to do bad things; I do all sort of bad things. I cannot tell you what is that, because I want to gain people respect. This is nonsense. According the Jesus standard, (Matthew 5:28) But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. That is so striking when I first read this verse from bible. If I do not having Jesus Christ in mind in my life, my life is a mess. It is just going wrong.

Compare this to having Jesus Christ in mind to guide my life. It is still a mess, but it is adjusting to the right way slowly. For your information, my progress really slow, I hope it does not stop though. I have some different god previously other than Jesus. All those teaching is really the best, but the problem is it is just a condemnation for me. It is like a finger pointing at you saying, “You are not doing this right thing, you are doing bad thing again, again and again! You are a mess!! You are really bad!!!”

Surprisingly, Jesus say the same thing to me too, “You are not doing this right thing, you are doing bad thing again, again and again! You are a mess!! You are really bad!!! But I forgive you and want to bring you eternal life with me.”

I accepted the offer. Some says it is free, but it is going to cost you your life. Is it like a slave? It actually is, but this master is better. He says, (Jeremiah 29:11) For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Mathematically, our life is maximum 100 years, eternal life is infinity. 100 years for infinity year(s). It is quite a good deal. I accepted the offer but not paying the price yet. I want to.

Church Visitor

I went to church for Sunday service this morning. Since I skip 3 Sunday services because of father's birthday and sister's graduation, people in the church treat me as a new visitor. One of the brother come to me and introduce himself. He ask me about myself too. He is a very friendly.

Out of a sudden, a brother who know me longer came to me and ask me to take care of a new visitor. I manages to practice immediately how to speak to a new visitor. ^_^ The new visitor is a Indian come from India. (Malaysia has around 10% of local born Indian population) The new visitor is able to speak simple English and understand simple English. He understands English better by reading.

I am a very introvert person who very seldom initialize a conversation. I started a conversation with the new visitor. He do not know Jesus at all. He works as a cleaner. He came to Malaysia for 2 years already. I plainly introduce Jesus as Saviour and God to him. During communion and offering session, I also take the opportunity to explain the meaning of communion and offering to him. I am really nervous honestly. Whatever it is God himself who is working. I should not nervous at all.

At the end, I gave him my bible. It is a very good bible given by my shepherd as my birthday gift. I just finish Old Testament recently. I hope God will speak to the Indian visitor and reveal himself through the bible.

(1 Corinthians 3:6-7) I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God made it grow. So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow.

Salvation

Where am I going after I die? Am I recycle to be an animal or human? I do not think so and I do not believe it, it is only imagination of human. Am I just cease to exist then? If this is the case, I can do whatever I want. I do not think I am a good man then. Though externally seem alright. Internally of myself, I really do not think I am good but I think I am worse than average. I choose not to believe I will cease to exist after I die. I feel more meaningful this way, otherwise, life is just a playground. Finally, I confuse. What happen after I die then?

A man claimed that he is God. He is able to bring me to heaven after I die. Heaven is a better place compare to earth. What a crazy man? I also can claim I am able to do that!

He is recorded in history to resurrect after 3 days he die. People give their life to claim that it is true. This guy claim that if he can resurrect from death, he can also resurrect us from death.

OK, let make it clear. If I do not believe in this guy, I will live my life my own way (I do not think I will live my life in a better than average way) . If I believe this guy is able to bring me to heaven afetr I die, I have to follow his ways then. Is there compromise like I live my own way, and you bring me to heaven after I die? What you thinks?

(John 14:6) Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

Backslide

Last couple of day is the dark ages for me. I am living like a non-christian, like a lost sheep without shepherd. I miss Sunday services for a round a month due to a lot of event happen in the past weekend like sister's graduation, father's birthday etc. I do not pray, I do not read bible. I was lost contact with Jesus. My life is without direction. I do not know where I am heading. I do not know the purpose of most of the thing I do in daily life. It's feel like dead man walking.

Thank to people encouragement. I start to read bible. Knowing that depression is a sin, I confess to Jesus in my short prayer since month. Without hope of salvation a common man like me is lost. Whoever feel like this, I would like to introduce a saviour for you, Jesus. He will guide you through your life and as a bonus bring you a even better eternal life. It is true. And it surely make your life different. At least it make mine.

(John 3:16) For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

Sick

It has been too long for me to post here. I have been sick badly in last couple of days. I was having high fever until I lost my mind. My mind just went astray without control. For the first time, I lost control of my mind. The feeling is just like dreaming.

I have taken 2 days leave for medical reason. I just lying in home doing nothing because I am too sick. I have no energy and motivation to do anything. I was wondering am I going to be like this for my life. If I will be sick for my life, how is my life will be? I will be on my own, sicking, dying and wasting my life.

Recently, because of the bad sick. I am thinking of my destiny on earth. What am I doing here? The fellow who give me birth told me to live a finacially stable life. That's it. Is it to simple? Am I here to ensure I am financially stable? So I am here to ensure myself financially stable. Luckily I am not financially stable yet. Otherwise, I am going to lost my destiny. I doubt this is the true answer. But then, what is the true answer? May be let examine why God create me in the first place. What for?

When no one is looking

According to the title “When no one is looking”, what is my life is no one is looking? My office seat is at the corner. My monitor is facing the window. No one is looking at my monitor. I am free to do whatever with the Internet connection on. In the office with the company PC, I suppose to do my programming. What if I go chatting, browsing? “It is alright.”, Mr S speaking in a familiar voice. His voice is comfortable and soft. Meanwhile, another fellow Mr G stands firmly and quietly behind me. Mr G, if I do not speak to him, he will keep quiet. This is 2 fellows accompany me for my life. I like Mr G better. Sometimes Mr S speak too many until I ignore Mr G. But most of the time I like to speak to Mr G. His word is more valuable and firm. Mr S words always nice to listen to but leads to something wrong. This time, I start to talk to Mr G, “I am tired, I need a break.”. “Mr Yap, you know what you suppose to do.” “Alright!”, I said. Mr S is quite quiet nowadays because I tends to ignore him. Below is a conversation between Mr G and Mr S.

(Job 1:8-12) Then the LORD said to Satan, "Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil." "Does Job fear God for nothing?" Satan replied. "Have you not put a hedge around him and his household and everything he has? You have blessed the work of his hands, so that his flocks and herds are spread throughout the land. But stretch out your hand and strike everything he has, and he will surely curse you to your face." The LORD said to Satan, "Very well, then, everything he has is in your hands, but on the man himself do not lay a finger." Then Satan went out from the presence of the LORD.

What a boosting God? However, I am a sinner. God is not boosting on me. God is forgiving me all day long. Back to the title, there will never no one looking. All the time, 2 fellows are always looking. One to tempt and accuse. One to love and forgive.

Mouth

I am a sinner. My mouth is especially destructive. The words come out of my mouth is always offensive and hurting. I like to point out people error with offensive words. That is really bad. I cannot control my mouth, it keeps speaking destructive languages. From year to year, I hurt a lot of people with my mouth except my parents. My parents will correct my bad language with authority and love. I feel very sorry to the people that I hurt though I am not means to do that. From year to year, I start learning to keep my mouth shut. I do not want to hurt people around me any more. Then, I learn to filter whatever I want to say. I want to take control of my mouth from bad languages. I end up speaking too slow. People sometimes loss patient waiting for my response. “Fast response will hurt you, man.” Things change, though not completely. Now the outcome of my mouth contains some constructive words. I do speak constructive words, from my personal statistic, it may come out once a year. Too bad.

(Proverbs 11:9-12)

With his mouth the godless destroys his neighbor,
but through knowledge the righteous escape.

When the righteous prosper, the city rejoices;
when the wicked perish, there are shouts of joy.

Through the blessing of the upright a city is exalted,
but by the mouth of the wicked it is destroyed.

A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor,
but a man of understanding holds his tongue.

Personal Financial Planning

As a christian, the first thing I do when I receive my salary from my employer is set aside 10% of it to God. We called it tithe. It is neither expenses nor offering. It is not expense in church to gain people favor. It is not offering to church or God to gain God favor neither. Tithe is belonged to God. It is simply belonged to Him. Why it is belong to Him? Actually, everything on earth is God creation. It is His belonging. He bless us on the work of our hand. And command us to give back 10% of our production back to Him. If we don't, it is stealing.

(Leviticus 27:30) A tithe of everything from the land, whether grain from the soil or fruit from the trees, belongs to the LORD; it is holy to the LORD.

Isaiah 41:10

Terrorist Attack

Everybody know what happened in London couple of day ago. London is under terrorist attack. What is our response as a christian? It is loss of life. People are lossing their love one. If somebody have a sword and kill my father in front of me, what is my response? Am I too afraid and run away? Am I take up another sword and kill the murderer, replace his title as a murderer? What is your response as a person, as a son?

Let's make it clear. I will not kill what so ever. I do not dare to do that. I will not do that. I must not do that. God say it is not the right thing to do. The first principle is I am not killing anyone.

Should I run away? No, the murder already kill my father, he is likely to kill my mother soon. I am to defense my mother. I think the murderer is not going to repent because he is coming to kill again. I am going to defense by take away his ability to attack not by taking away his life, may be just his hand or what so ever.

As a conclusion, if people offence me, first thing is to check whether the people is repent. No choice I have to forgive if the people repent, since I am not too good compare to the people. If not, I am going to defense by disarm the people without taking his life.

Am I right this way?

(Acts 7:23-28) "When Moses was forty years old, he decided to visit his fellow Israelites. He saw one of them being mistreated by an Egyptian, so he went to his defense and avenged him by killing the Egyptian. Moses thought that his own people would realize that God was using him to rescue them, but they did not. The next day Moses came upon two Israelites who were fighting. He tried to reconcile them by saying, `Men, you are brothers; why do you want to hurt each other?" But the man who was mistreating the other pushed Moses aside and said, "Who made you ruler and judge over us? Do you want to kill me as you killed the Egyptian yesterday?"

Fire Report

Yesterday, I take my sister to her friend house. I pass by a residential area. We saw some smoke and orange color in an apartment. I am not sure isn't a fire. We decided to report to nearby fire station. We went to the fire station and make the report. The fireman immediately go to the place and take a look. We went to the place before the fireman and found it is not a fire. There was smoke came from nowhere and the orange color is actually the light of the apartment. I feel guilty to report false fire. Then we went. On the way, we saw the fire trunk rushing to the reported place. Shame on me. I mess out the sequence. I should had investigate the place before report the fire. Feel guilty but salute the responsible fireman. Honor!

(Ezekiel 33:1-6) The word of the LORD came to me: "Son of man, speak to your countrymen and say to them: 'When I bring the sword against a land, and the people of the land choose one of their men and make him their watchman, and he sees the sword coming against the land and blows the trumpet to warn the people, then if anyone hears the trumpet but does not take warning and the sword comes and takes his life, his blood will be on his own head. Since he heard the sound of the trumpet but did not take warning, his blood will be on his own head. If he had taken warning, he would have saved himself. But if the watchman sees the sword coming and does not blow the trumpet to warn the people and the sword comes and takes the life of one of them, that man will be taken away because of his sin, but I will hold the watchman accountable for his blood."

Tireness

Always, I feel very tire of life. I guess I am lack of vitamin M (money). But it is not, if my bank balance is positively different from what I have now, my life basically still the same. I don't think my attitude will change with my bank balance. So do my mind, it will not rest simply because bank balance increase. It will be the same. Then what is the cause of my tireness?

(Matthew 4:4) Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.

Then I start to spend more time to read bible. It is just like reading story book, telling me a lot of things but it does not get rid of my tireness too.

(Matthew 11:28) "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

How?

Suffering produces Hope

I love mathematic. From young I score best in mathematic. One of the magic of mathematic is given some information, going through some calculation, we get to know information we needed. Given x, by some calculation, we can get y, z or what so ever. We have same thing happen in bible

(Romans 5:3-4) Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.

This verse is very contradict to my own understanding. First, I will never told to rejoice in sufferings, but mourn in sufferings. Who on earth going to rejoice in sufferings? “Yes, I am suffering in sick! Ya ho, I am broke.” No one is going to think like that right? Second, suffering produces perseverance. This is true some time but most of the time suffering produces disappointment, disappointment produces hopeless. Hey, it leads to opposite direction! This is wrong calculation. May be there is some missing element in the formula. Let us see the prerequisite of this formula.

(Romans 5:1-2) Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God.

As Christian, we have faith in our Lord Jesus Christ. We believe our Lord is with us. We put our hope on him. We are not suffering alone, our Lord is suffering together with us. He will guide us to overcome to produces perseverance and character. And finally this will leads to hope on him. We put our hope of this life and eternal life on him alone. He is the only way.

Challenges

This morning, my supervisor told me there is a project to be done in 2 days. It is very urgent and very rush. It sound very difficult to me. And I think so too. I am kind of people slow in motion. I am most productive given more time. As the conclusion, this is a challenge for me. Then, what is the my reaction? I think you can guess. The bible recorded similar occasion like this.

(Numbers 13:27-31) They gave Moses this account: "We went into the land to which you sent us, and it does flow with milk and honey! Here is its fruit. But the people who live there are powerful, and the cities are fortified and very large. We even saw descendants of Anak there. The Amalekites live in the Negev; the Hittites, Jebusites and Amorites live in the hill country; and the Canaanites live near the sea and along the Jordan." Then Caleb silenced the people before Moses and said, "We should go up and take possession of the land, for we can certainly do it." But the men who had gone up with him said, "We can't attack those people; they are stronger than we are."

There are 2 opposite reaction when people faces challenges. The first one is "Let do it, God is with me." The second one is "No, it is too much for me." Obviously, these 2 reactions will surely leads to different results. One leads to failure and one leads to success. Actually, there is the third one which sound like this, "I have no choice!" This will leads to result below average.

Let's make good decision. Life is about making decision everyday.

Meeting

Nowadays meeting most of the time in work. Discuss about new project. Draw as much as possible agreement and understand between team member before start development. I see it is a good planning and strategy in teamwork. I have to try my best to understand. This is not very difficult for me. Then I have to ask question to gather more information. Besides all this, bible says of meeting like this (Hebrews 10:25) Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another--and all the more as you see the Day approaching. From this verse, I see that meeting not only to discuss on project, it is functioning to encourage every team members to work towards the goal.

My colleagues are very supportive. We help each others to understand the project better. Really enjoy working with my colleagues. I hope they enjoy working with me too though I am not perfect. One of the character I want to build is patient. May God help me to build it. (Proverbs 14:29) A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly.

Racing Game

I am a PC game addict before. I play game day and night. But now I don't. I want to support original software. As a programmer, I don't want people to steal intellectual property so I don't steal too. Eventually I end up cut off my PC gaming because original PC game is too expensive for me. Is this my story today? No. I bought a PC magazine recently. It comes with a playable racing game demo. I try it just now and like it very much.

To play racing game well, I learn to focus. A tiny error can ruin the race. Second, I learn to break. In the beginning, I accelerate from the beginning until the end. What happen is I cannot finish the race because I wreck my car. It is something apply to life, if whoever run a restless life will eventually collapse. Why not take a break and do nothing? Frankly, this is not my cup of coffee. I prefers working to limit, and stretch the limit then. The end result is quantity increase and quality decrease. This is a race, my car is out of way in every bend. People keep take over me every bend because I am out of way. The right way is “Press break and turn it nicely.!” Let take a break in our busy life and adjust it to the right way before it goes astray.

(Psamls 46:10) Be still, and know that I am God;

As a christian, I inteprets this verse as “Take a break; focus on God; Identify his purpose on me; Trust him to guide my life.”

Apology

Do you ever doing something wrong? I am sure everyone have done something wrong. Do you ever apology? Hard to say sorry right. Me too. I feel very difficult to say sorry. Actually saying sorry is not very difficult. I try it. It is really easy. Let's try “Sorry”. Easy right. Let's try something a little bit difficult. “I am sorry.” Or let's make it sound more sincere. “I am sorry, I done something wring to you.” It is no problem at all to pronounce it. The problem come just after I finish the verse. People harsh face and words cut through my heart like sword. “Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.” Oh no, I say wrong thing. I better face down and repent. “I am sorry.” I said again quietly. “Blah, blah, blah, blah.” The sound doesn't stop yet. It ends with something meaning the same as “I am not going to forgive you.” Anyway I deserve it because I am doing wrong. But Jesus Christ is not like that.

(1 John 1:9) If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

House

I am looking for a house. My parents are going to buy a house. Seeing my sister and I pay high rental every month for accommodation in town, my parents decide to buy a house. We will pay the installment of the house. Instead of pay to others, we are paying to our parents. As you guess, it is much more cheaper. Frankly, I have zero saving. Somehow my father in heaven through my parent on earth bless me a comfortable accommodation. I really thanks God about it. Though I am quite embarrass about it. I prefers buying my own house using my own money. But I think it is the same thing. Instead of blessing me money and I use the money to buy a house, Father in heaven simply bless me a house. It is the same for God. Honor go to my father in heaven and my parents on earth. That is good. Amen.

(1 Corinthians 5:1) Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands.

Where are you, God?

I am a programmer. Browsing people blog, I read someone asking "Where are you, God?". Sometimes, I am asking the same question too. "Where is God?" Then I think in programming, God is the creator of the world as programmer is the creator of computer program. When a computer program asking, "Where are you, programmer?" The programmer will answers, "I am everywhere of you." It is true. Programmer is in control of the program he or she created. As the creator of the world, God is everywhere of the world too.

PS 139:1 O LORD, you have searched me and you know me.
O programmer, you code me and you know me.
PS 139:2 You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You know when I was idle and when I run; you perceive my logic from the screen.
PS 139:3 You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
You discern my starting and my stoping; you are familiar with all my runnings.
PS 139:4 Before a word is on my tongue; you know it completely, O LORD.
Before a message box on the screen; you know it completely, O programmer.
PS 139:5 You hem me in--behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.
You design me and debug me; you have typing keyboard upon me.
PS 139:6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
Programming concept and languages is too wonderful for me, to lofty for me to attain.
PS 139:7 Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
Where can I goo from you programming code? Where can I flee from your control from keyboard and mouse?
PS 139:8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I access database, you are there; if I present on graphic user interface (GUI), you are there.

Hahaha, I am proud to be the Lord of the program. And I am proud to identify my creator. Some program do not identify their programmer by saying that they are formed in random. That is not true, program do not formed in random. All programs are finely design and develop. Human too are created based on the image of God.

Leaving Friend

One of my colleague was quit from my company. She is nice, always creating hormony atmosphere in office. With her presence, people in office feels not too tension. I think probably because of her smiley face and her caring heart.

Too many time, people come into my life, stay a little while, left some remark in my life and go their way. It is normal. I am always appreciated them as they build memory in my life. Without people, life is too boring to live. I must learn better to show my appreciation. I am too shy to do it. Sometimes, I do show appreciation. Though sincerely, I make it like acting which is totally opposite. People do not feel my sincerity but my hypocrisy.

Anyway, I wish her all the best in her life. (John 10:10) The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

Satan Scheme

I am very tired again because I only get to bed this early morning 2am. My friend invite me to his reward ceremony as a sales representative. After the ceremony was a motivation talk to encourage them to make more sales. It is very motivated though. The reward of sales really attractive. However, they are on fire to pursue against earthly material. They put their whole effort to build earthly house. Unfortunately, they are chasing after wind. All this is temporarily. They are going wrong direction.

After the motivation talk, people gathered in small groups around 10 peoples a group. Whoever was rewarded have a opportunity to share their struggle to achieve success. They are giving thanks to their superior who bring them in as sales representative, so they are enjoying high income instead of toiling as a low income boring officer.

It is already around 11:30pm when the gathering finished. My friend invite me for supper. Though tire and sleepy, I agree to honor my friend. In the supper session, there are the same group of people. They are doing multi level marketing. They are looking for inferior to consume the product. People keep persuading me to join as a member. Member consume product, then ask more people to consume more product. In the process gain income as commission. People with more inferior will gain more income. People gain fast cash in short time. I believe it is true.

But I do not want to submit my life to serve the God of money. Jesus Christ is my Lord. He alone is sufficient to sustain my life not in need but abundantly. I have more then I need. Materialistic is not my cup of coffee because I put my hope in Jesus Christ. His is my security and my provider.

(1 Peter 5:8-9) Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are under going the same kind of sufferings.

Gospel

I am the only Christian in my family. My parents do not oppose my believe. They are very open. On the same time, they close their mind to accept gospel. During Mother day, I bought a book written by a Christian to my mother as Mother day gift. She like reading very much. I am influenced deeply by her to cultivate reading habit. She and my father do read the book and find it is very encouraging. They urges me to read the book too. I know chapters of the book describe some doctrine of Christianity. I hope they get to know my Christianity even more.

I go back my hometown every month. Every time I go back, I will have a good chat with my parents. Sometimes, I do share my believe of Lord Jesus Christ to them. They will debate with me. Before, I tends to debate with them. Now I do debate but I share the good news to them as well. Along the time, I hope they will gradually open their mind to accept Jesus Christ as savior and Lord. I earnestly wish them to destine to heaven by the Lord Jesus Christ. I pray that God will eventually write their name to the Book of Life.

(Mark 5:19) “Go home to your family and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you.”

Want

I define want as desire. I see it as extra. If I get it, it is extra; if I don't, it is nothing. If I have no money, it doesn't matter so much. So money is categorized as want. If I have no money, I have no food. Then money become need. (Psalms 23:1) The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. Actually I do not really want anything. My life is so simple. 60% - Working, 10% - Church activity, 10% - Reading, 20% - Daily routine (include traveling around everyday back and forth work). I just pass my birthday, my family ask me what I want as birthday gift. I have no idea. They ask me go to buy by myself. Then, I go to buy a book.

Lord, I miss 1 meal out of 3 daily, I will die. You wouldn't interest on my life right? Then (Matthew 6:11) Give us today our daily bread. But can't you give in advance?

God say, (Matthew 6:25-34) "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, `What shall we eat?' or `What shall we drink?' or `What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

My Lord, this is really testing my faith. Honestly, I am really worry about tomorrow. Car installment, rental, and the most important breakfast. Ah, today is pass. Tomorrow is coming soon. I better have a sweet dream and go to check my bank balance tomorrow. I have my provision from heaven, no worry!!!

PS: Eternal destruction is not going to nothing, it is eternal separation from God and eternal suffering. Can I finally accommodate to eternal suffering? But I think better do not try, since it is eternal, it have no second chance, no U-turn. No tear heaven definitely better.

Vision

I have a vision. There are an open field. In the field, there are a lot of sheep. Some are brown, some are white. Most of them wandering around without shepherd. There are a few shepherd around. Some sheep gather around this shepherds. I see a swarm of white and brown sheep gather around a shepherd. Some of them talk to sheep outside the swarm, asking them to join the swarm. Some of them talk to sheep outside the swarm and leave the swarm. Some of the sheep gather together and follow the shepherd closely. Some of the sheep help the shepherd organize and leads a smaller number of other sheep. All of them busy around. The shepherd look after his sheep closely and nurture them well. He is leading his sheep to a green pastures. Sometimes they go pass a dark valley, but the sheep do not afraid. They just follow the shepherd closely. The sheep feel very secure with the shepherd presence.

(Psalms 23) The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me besides quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the day of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Sick

Yesterday morning is like usual working morning. Amazingly my task have a profound break through. But just minute after that I found myself not feeling well. I had headache and started to fever. I quickly cleaned up my task to be deliverable, and requested for a sick leave from my superior. All in a sudden, I could not even drive. My girlfriend drove me to clinic and back home. I was totally off. Doctor granted me 2 days medical leave, so I have a day off today. My girlfriend looks after me very well. She called up my mother and learn to lower my body temperature by ice. It is very effective. My mother was very worried because I have somnambulism when I was fever. I do not this time. Today I feel better. Tomorrow I can work again. My schedule is left behind even more. (Job 5:18) For he wounds, but he also binds up; he injures, but his hands also heal.

Daily Task

Most of my working hour spend to solve computer programming problem. Problem by problem, it will never end. It is like a cycle, research, plan, design and implement, then research, plan, design and implement. My schedule is lagging behind. I have a little stress on it. It should not be like that. I think I spend too much time researching. Like the bible states (Ecclesiastes 5:7) Much dreaming and many words are meaningless. I cannot do the same thing and expect different result. I have to schedule my time to start tangible work instead of pointless researching.

Funny Prayer

After 4 months, finally I finish reading a book with the title “A book of Prayer”. It is a book about prayer obviously. I learn a lot of purposes and ways of prayer. As a summary, prayer is a way to speak to God. We can speak to God freely, saying “God, I am poor, please bless me financially. My job is difficult, please grant me easy job.” God says, “Are you asking high paid easy job?” “Yes my God!” It is kind of funny prayer.

Once I challenged my father to pray to Jesus. He says, “Fine, I pray to hit lottery. If I hit then I believe.” It is kind of faithless and testing prayer.

Jesus says (James 4:3) When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.

God do not grant us what we ask because it is no good for us.

Doubtful Sunday

Today is Sunday. I am going to church every Sunday. Still lie on the bed, I found meaningless going to church singing, praying without faith, listen to God word which is always challenging me to do this and that. God grace and love are long forgotten. I do not feel the love of God. Simply feel that God is away from me. I try to call to God and pray to Him. But seem like he is not around.

Then I wake up. After that I go to church routinely. Singing for God. In the midst of praise and worship, I do feel the presence of God but anything to do with me? I do believe there is a God. I believe Jesus is God and he resurrect from death and rise to heaven. Finally, He will come to judge us and save us from eternal death. But who care? What is good of heaven? What is bad of hell?

It is very simple as I found out in the bible about hell. (Revelation 21:8) But the cowardly, unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars – their place will be in the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death.

It is nothing special not only a lake for those unbelieving. The special thing is this lake is burning which can destroy spirit and sole. It is eternal destruction. It is really going to nothing, no more U turn, no more chance, simply no more. Before, I thought it is eternal suffering. If it is eternal suffering, then it is no so bad since I think I will adapt to it after a while. But it is not the case. The destiny is eternal destruction. The good news is we can choose to believe in Jesus and escape this terrible destiny.

Birthday

May 18 is my birthday. In the middle of the night, I am wake up to enjoy birthday song and cake. The feeling of blowing the birthday cake had long forgotten. Thank to my girlfriend who bought me the cake. Early in the morning, my colleagues come to greet me happy birthday. I am so embarrass to be under spotlight. In fact, I am a rather low profile people, feel weird under focus. However, I really enjoy their warm greeting. They treat me a wonderful lunch together. We have a great time together in a restaurant. Thank you very much my lovely colleagues. After work time, my girlfriend treat me dinner. We go to a Thai restaurant having a satisfied steamboat buffet. It is great. Thanks again to my girlfriend. Besides my family bought me a book. I like reading and feel happy to get a book. Simple people enjoys simple happiness. I have a great birthday always. Last year, I have a lot of gift and a huge birthday party in Australia. I should thanks God for this. Last but not least thank to my mother who give birth to me on this day. Mother have to suffer great pain for long hours to give birth not only suffer for childbearing. Thanks you my mother, she probably not reading this because she do not use computer before and not good in English. But she is greatest mother in my mind.

(Psalms 71:6-9) From birth I have relied on you; you brought me forth from my mother's womb. I will ever praise you. I have become like a portent to many, but you are my strong refuge. My mouth is filled with your praise, declaring your splendor all day long. Do not cast me away when I am old; do not forsake me when my strength is gone.

May Jesus leads me and guide me in my life. He is my Lord and my refuge whenever I am tired.